Sunday, May 27, 2007

It's Come To This

I am lounging around home in a tank top and underwear, eating toasted almond bars and watching woman-scorned Lifetime movies. I am just so tired and hot and lazy. But I did make it outside today. This morning, Nicole and I ventured out in the empty city to do some shopping, tolerable only because we drove. We also picked up the babies’ car seats, which were at our friends’ apartment, and installed them. Nothing says “You are really having two babies” like two car seats in the back seat. Surreal. You would *think* by now I would have no doubt about this, but still, it is unbelievable to me. When I catch a glimpse of myself in window on the street, I have a hard time processing that that is me, pregnant.

However, said seat installation started talks of a bigger purchase. Not too long ago, I told Nicole that I thought we would have to someday [soon] think about getting a bigger car. We have two cars, and neither are especially twin-friendly. One is a two-seater, which obviously can accommodate zero kids. And the other can accommodate both car seats, but then nobody else. Nicole insisted that we would be fine, at least for another year or two. She was adamant, so certain that she was right, that our car would be Just Fine. Flash forward to today: We install the car seats, get back into the car and Nicole drives immediately to the car dealership. Sometimes she needs to see things for herself! We are very specific about what we want, car-wise, and are only looking at two different cars. Both are not mini-vans (not ready for that step). Both seat seven. And both have crappy mileage, which makes me feel awful, in that ruining-the-universe kind of way. But I have nieces and nephews to think about. And I recycle, so that makes up for it, right?!

The rest of the day was spent on the couch.

The PG is still looking pretty scary and seems to be getting a little bigger. I am counting the minutes till Wednesday’s appointment. I need this thing off. I am still worried that it could be something scarier than just a PG. Of course, 99 percent of what I read reassures me, but it is that one site, the one that mentions that some cancers can mimic PGs, that I choose to believe. Why does the mind choose to worry? I like to think of it as anticipating every outcome and preparing.

My new concern is what if removing the PG means that I need to go on antibiotics, which could mean that I wouldn’t be able to breastfeed? My friend Jen brought this valid point up, and since her husband is a doctor, I take her opinion to be completely medically valid. If I had to chose, what would I do? Obviously, I want to say that I would choose to let the PG grow so I can breastfeed. But the thing is, the PG is really painful. Typically, they grow to the size of a pea, but mine is the size of a grape. If my hand drops below my heart, it feels like it is being stabbed, as the blood rushes to it. I can’t use the hand really for anything right now, which is going to make taking care of the twins really hard. I know that there are people who have had much worse conditions and managed to care for their baby. But to me, this PG is too new for me to have developed appropriate coping strategies. And I have never taken care of two newborns full-time. Ever. I hope I am lucky enough that this will be the worst health issue I ever have. But right now, it is really stressing me out.

So onto a less stressful topic: Nicole Tidbit No. 3:

Movies: Nicole’s tastes in movies is completely opposite of mine, literally on the opposite side of the movie spectrum. When we first started dating, I think she hid this side of her a bit. We would watch movies like Mulholland Drive and other Serious Dramas, and she seemed fine with that. But slowly she revealed her true colors. My first clue was Buffy the Vampire Slayer. She loved this show passionately, which always seemed dichotomous to me: Madam Executive/Miss Serious who goes off to work by day and relaxes with Buffy by night. It just didn’t quite fit.

After the Buffy adjustment period, she let it all come out. Now our Tivo list is filled with such gems as Frankenfish, about a genetically-altered fish that preys on people, and Blood Surf, about a genetically-altered crocodile that preys on people, and Octopus, about a genetically-altered octopus that preys on people. They don’t always have to be about aquatic animals: They can also be about land-dwelling, genetically-altered animals, aliens, the Bermuda Triangle, genetically-altered people, monsters (including ghosts, zombies and vampires) and the Undead. Or Star Trek people. Relaxing with her on the couch on lazy Sunday afternoons can be difficult: I will be on the cusp of sleep, all comfy cozy, when I will be jarred awake by the sound of a skull being crushed by a giant anaconda or a woman screaming as she is chased by a chainsaw-wielding madman (yes, she LOVES horror movies) or the distinctive sound of blood splatter. The thing is, not only can I not watch violence, I can’t even listen to it. I am pretty much the biggest wimp when it comes to those things.

However, I am fully aware of the glass house I live in. After all, I love cheesy Lifetime movies. But I am specific about which ones: I don’t like the feel-good comedies or happy-go-lucky ones; I only like the woman-scorned ones. These movies move up to the top of my must-see list if they star Melissa Gilbert (a.k.a. Laura Ingalls), Tori Spelling or Meredith Baxter Birney.

Breaking news on the CNN ticker: There are 218 days left in 2007.

Pictured above is our coat closet. Nicole cleaned it out in a cleaning frenzy this weekend. The best part is that empty shelf: Her goal is to have things completely emptied out. My goal is just to have things neat and organized! I have no idea what will go in all that emptiness, but I am sure we will find something. Right now it holds a box of seashells and a box of mini-umbrellas. Below that is me at 37 weeks. When will the growing madness end? See that grimace on my face? That is because my hand is below my heart and that stabbing feeling is back....


K J and the kids said...

OMG you look beautiful. You look so great !!!!
HOWEVER you look like you are ready to pop with twins. I thought I told you that you were in labor and would have them tomorrow. Work with me here :)

I'll bet you laughed at the picture that I sent to you of me at 37 weeks thinking....I'll never get that big. :)

I got a staph infection when the boys were a couple of months old and had to take antibiotics. It took several doses and the doses were upped to get rid of it, but I was ASSURED that they were safe to take while breastfeeding.
I guess it depends on the type or amount given ? Who knows ?!

Weird movie choices. Don't love that.
I'm sorry but I despise Melissa Gilbert. I loved her as Laura Ingalls....but can't stand her in lifetime movies.
Now Jacklyn as an angel, hot as a mother of 5 being beaten by her cop husband. :)
(my wife has a small smash on Meredith Baxter Birney..ha ha)

Get em out ! Do you have an exit plan....or should I exit buddy !
Hey, that's cute...your girls have an exit buddy.
I am referring to a blogger buddy to tell me when they come tonight. :)
Here's hoping !

GOOOOO Vaginal ! that in my best cheerleader cheer voice (not a cheerleader, but I try)

Motel Manager said...

You look great, and I can't believe how close you are to meeting your little gals!

Re: breastfeeding. I always thought my mother formula-feed me because it was in vogue at the time. Well, she just revealed that, no, most of her friends breast-fed, but that she didn't because she'd had to go off her acne medication during pregnancy, which meant that by delivery she had some raging acne, and she wanted to go back on the meds. Your reasoning for possible formula-feeding is about a million times more valid than that! Ask your dr. if it's okay to breastfeed, but do not feel bad if it isn't - you need that hand, dammit!

lagiulia said...

You look fantastic! I know that's not quite how you feel, though... . I can't imagine how hard the hand treatment vs. breastfeeding dilemma must be. I think the first thing to do is to get informed from your doctors whether this is a conflict for sure. Then, if there is, figure out what you're going to do. Your health is so important... you are a parent, and that adds a whole new level of what it means to be a healthy you. If you have to formula feed them, try not to feel bad. I was formula fed and have generally been healthy, same with my sister.

Maybe you could breastfeed for a week or so, while your milk comes in and to establish a latch, and then have the treatment? You could pump (and dump) while having the treatment to keep up your supply until the treatment is over. Pumping was great for me while the boys were in the NICU. Or, if you really can't wait to have the treatment, you could pump entirely from the beginning. That way, you're building your supply, and then once you're off the drugs, you can work with a lactation consultant to establish a latch. And if they don't latch, you can always feed them pumped milk through a bottle for as long as you can. But I would definitely get the facts before stressing about it too much. You have enough to deal with right now!

Jennifer said...

You look wonderful, but very ready to get those babies out.

I agree with the antibiotic suggestions. Speak to your doctor about what antibiotics they will be prescribing and see if they can find one that is breastfeeding friendly. In the end though, you have to do what's best for you and your family and if that's feeding them formula so you can get use of your hand back, go for it.

As for the car, something to think about when going for a 7 seater car rather than a minivan...when you have the car seats installed in the second row, you can't get into the 3rd row.

Not that big a deal if you don't plan on having additional passengers too often, but my friend has a Pilot and every time she takes her nephew somewhere, he has to climb in through the back.

Alice said...

That sucks that you are well-meaning and don't want to hurt the environment but there may not be many options out there. I understand that Scion makes a car with decent gas mileage that fits a lot of people, isn't outrageously expensive (like hybrid SUVs) and is made by reliable Toyota (although I guess you have to get over the whole looking like a toaster thing). Anyway, I drive a lot for work and always feel terrible about it! Glad to see you are out of the hospital!

Lynn said...

So sorry about your hand but you sure do look fantastic!! Can hardly wait to see those girls in your arms (and in their carseats in the new car!). May the next few weeks fly.

bri said...

Ack - I didn't realize there was tingling when you dropped it. That crazy hand gets weirder and more horrible. I hope they take the thing off. The PG, not the hand. Heh.

You look great. Until now I have always thought your photos looked like it could possibly be just a big singleton pregnancy but I will now admit that you are firmly in the twin bump club. What wonderfully big girls you have! I can't wait to meet them.

Gemini Girl said...

Your pictures are my crystal ball. If I want to show my husband how big I will get, I need to bring him to your blog!

bleu said...

Please do not take your doctors word alone for it with antibiotics. Doctors do not specialize in what passes through milk and what does not. They are not the experts on it. Most antibiotics are fine while breastfeeding. Anesthesia is also fine. The truth is an allergy pill is way worse than a vicodin when it comes to breastfeeding.
Here are some links to awesome facts surrounding breastfeeding.

Good luck. I am so sorry the PG is so painful.