Monday, March 05, 2007

Day 177

I had a doctor’s appointment this morning to take the Glucose Challenge or whatever it is called. Nicole had the day off, so she came with me to sit through the boring-ness of waiting an hour to draw blood. I also saw the doctor and she showed Nicole the babies. Of course, the screen is so tiny and angled away from me so I couldn’t see a thing. But Nicole was able to see them, for the first time in a long while, which I am glad about. They were squirming around and kicking and punching, high off of the disgusting glucose crap I had to drink. Nicole said she could see the four chambers of their hearts. All I could do was lay there are the docor and Nicole oh’d and ah’d at the screen. The doctor said they were both in breech position, but there was still plenty of time for them to move around. And yet they have been in breech position since they grew limbs. A c-section is seeming more and more likely.

Overwhelmed is still the word of the week. Perhaps month. There is so much to do and so little time to do it. It doesn’t help that we keep having random issues thrown at us: The cable has been out since Saturday; our land line phone stopped working, and there have been other ridiculous little non-important things that have me tettering on the edge. In addition, I am in my last semester of grad school so I have a ton of pre-graduation work to do. And paperwork. Then there are lots of baby-related things that need to be attended to. There are also so many projects that I need to complete…things that are almost done but not quite. And, to top it all off, I am awaiting the imminent Return of the Lazy Contractor, who needs to finish fixing the electrical problem he started and insert the door and add some molding. Again, maybe 6 hours of work that will take him about 4 days to complete.

I know; go ahead and pull out the mini-violins. I do realize how whiney I am being.

And yet that doesn’t stop this train wreck of emotional roller coasters. (I think that is one of the worst mixed metaphors I have ever written!) Maybe it’s the hormones, but the overwhelming-ness of everything makes me cry. Unpredictably and uncontrollably. I had a near breakdown in Home Depot, and only calmed down by sitting on boxes in front of the closet organization section and staring at the myriad possibilities while Nicole procured our special order door from the Special Services desk. I cried again Sunday night. Anything pushes me over the edge. I’m hoping this is a temporary visit to the land of emotional turmoil.

I blame exhaustion, too. My blood pressure is still low…something over 56. Was it 72? Or 82? Regardless, I am tired all of the time and winded even sitting on the couch. I don’t sleep well at nights at all. I toss and turn and spend a good portion of it awake, staring at the ceiling, wondering how I will get everything done that needs to get done in the month of March. No one can fret like me.

Nicole and I spent all day out running errands. I feel like we are making a dent in all that needs to get done (one hand gives....), but there is still so much more to do (...and the other takes away...). We bought an end table, with two empty drawers that I get to figure out what to put in. Nothing like an empty drawer to get me all excited. I may leave it empty for a while in my typical pleasure-delaying style. Why enjoy something now when I can delay enjoying it and instead live in the anticipation of enjoying it?

Nicole took off Friday and today, which means I am once again accustomed to her constant companionship. But now she has to go back to work and I am alone again. Plus, she drops on me that she has to go to Dallas on Thursday for the night. As unhealthy as it may seem, I just don’t feel the need for many spaces in our togetherness. Everything is better when she is around.

In other news:

Nephew Moment: Leif slept over on Saturday night. Sunday, he wakes up at around 6:30, climbs into bed with us (he sleeps on a blow-up mattress on the floor next to me) and snuggles in the crock of my arm while I lay on my back. He reaches over to pat my stomach and says “Good morning, babies.” How freaking cute is that?! Did I mention that he was wearing pajamas with sheep and cows and dogs on them? So cute.

Niece Moment: 10-year-old Isabelle corrected me when I accidentally slipped a curse word out in front of her and Leif. I apologized and said that I shouldn’t say word like that in front of her, and she replied that she didn’t care; it was Leif that was too little to hear such things. Kids grow up to too fast these days. Meanwhile, she is being groomed for a summer position for next year as our mother’s helper! We’d have her work all year long, but there are child labor laws and school and such that make this difficult. She is great with kids, and I think she will be great with her two newest and littlest cousins.

Freaky moment: We stopped at the food store to pick up some dinner ingredients and the total was $6.66. What are the chances? I don’t really believe in that sorta stuff, but the sign of the devil showing up on a grocery bill is a sign that we should go out to eat, in my opinion. I scrapped our plans for a cold-winter’s-night chili and we went out for fondue instead.

New What Ails Me: Now I am experiencing the mind-numbing pain of middle-of-the-night Charlie Horses. My body is breaking down, even more than before.

The Countdown: 177 days down, 103 days to go. I bet I can pack on another 40 pounds in the next few months. Three more sleeps till Nicole leaves; four more till she returns; and two weeks till my next doctor’s appointment.

Pictured above is Leif and geese in front of the backdrop of downtown NYC. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to the towers not being there. Or the fact that Leif has never seen the towers.


K J and the kids said...

That story about your nephew was cute, all but the 6:30 am part. :)

A little have NO IDEA how much you will need her full time. Get the rest of her little girlscout friends to come over too :) Ir's not child labor it's service projects and badge requirements.

I'm sorry that you are stressed out. Try to remember that nothing HAS to be done. It's all things that you'd like to be done. These are things that prepare us for the world of twins. :)
I was a super control freak and I've had to let a lot of shit slide with 3 babies.

Leg cramps.....OH MA GAW MARSHA !
I had my first leg cramp with my pregnancy with the boys and remember thinking, what in the hell is happening. I couldn't move...I told my wife to help...that's all I could She massaged it and then finally pulled my toe back. HOLY SHIT ! I only got 2 my whole pregnancy. That was enough. THANK GOD !

Dee said...

At 25 weeks Shelly started getting very anxious and weepy. That lasted for about two weeks. She's back on the mend. Of course we blamed it on hormones. Maybe it will get better for you.

How cute about your nephew. That's an adorable story.

Hang in there! You're getting so close. Almost into the double digits!

bri said...

"Maybe it’s the hormones, but the overwhelming-ness of everything makes me cry. Unpredictably and uncontrollably. I had a near breakdown in Home Depot, and only calmed down by sitting on boxes in front of the closet organization section and staring at the myriad possibilities while Nicole procured our special order door from the Special Services desk."

I am hormonal when not pregnant in a very permanent and dramatic way. Now... I can really relate. I cried a huge storm of tears 2 nights ago because Wes showed me an easel he liked for the future kid and because he liked a very impractical sink. Weeping....

Everyone is right about starting to let go of some stuff as preparation for life with twins (or babies at all?), but that doesn't mean it will be easy to do so. I understand.

Estelle said...

There is always that moment or that threshold or that line that is crossed. No matter how difficult it is to get pregnant and stay pregnant, once it finally happens, eventually the woman--whether she acknowledges it or not--becomes one of the "I can get and stay pg" crowd and starts complaining about pg effects. You are lucky. Remember that. I can't believe you of all people would complain about how pregnancy is affecting you.

Calliope said...

Man, I forget that you in grad school TOO. fuck, woman! You are a super hero.
by the way- I think fondue can cure anything so that was a wise move.

bri said...

Estelle, that was a strange and totally unhelpful comment. If you don't want to read about the pregnancy woes of a past infertile, why are you reading any of our blogs? We have as much right to complain as anyone. Next thing you know you'll be echoing my mother-in-law: "Oh, you're going back to work after the baby is born? I just thought since it took you SO much effort to get pregnant, you might actually like to stay home with it." As though the trouble and trauma we go through permanently means we are different and can't gripe or be normal? Sheesh.

nailgirl24 said...

You are entitled to complain!! I had the worst leg cramps with my first baby. Oh and the babies could still change position. Think about a chiropractor. I know a lot of people frown on them, but I had chiro care with my first two babies they were head down. I didn't have it with my last two and they were transverse, and my last baby has club foot.

lagiulia said...

Thanks for your comment on my blog the other day.

Oh, I remember those charlie horses! Never had them before in my life until the pregnancy. Youch! I'm glad that things seem to be gliding along and am very excited for you. Take care!