Monday, January 12, 2009

This Post Is Brought to You by Tivo'd Sesame Street

Today is one of those days when my children smell like Sausage McMuffins for no apparent reason. They are clean, in laundered clothes and have never even had sausage. And yet, they smell like McMuffins of the sausage variety. Go figure.

So last night was a first of the terrifying kind. We think Madeline had an episode of night terrors. She started crying about two hours after we put her down. This is not unusual: She sometimes awakes and cries for literally five seconds and then settles down again in her deep, thirteen hour nighttime slumber. But last night, when her crying continued for over a minute, we decided to intervene.

Nicole gathered up Maddie and brought her into our bedroom, where she preceded to cry that awful, hysterical, hiccupy cry for a half hour. She has never done this before. Never. Nothing would calm her down. Her eyes were all squinty and she was not acting normal at all. We checked her diaper and looked very her body to see if there was anything hat cold cause her distress, but there was nothing. We called the doctor, who told us to call back in a half hour if she was not acting normal again. When we put her down on our bed, she would roll over and scramble to the to of the bed, as if she was being chased by scary giant spiders. She let us hold her, but did spend lot of time writhing.

Desperate, Nicole decided to bring Maddie into her room again to show her Avery. And believe it our not, once she saw Avery, she came to and calmed down. Unbelievable. Even more unbelievable was the fact that Avery slept through the entire ordeal, even as Maddie wailed next to her crib. I am hoping this is a one-off experience.

We wonder if separation anxiety had anything to do with this. I brought Madeline to a birthday party on Long Island and Nicole stayed home with Avery. So the girls spent the entire day apart, which they haven’t done since they were four months, I think. By the time I got home, it was time for dinner, then pajamas and then bed. Maybe Madeline was missing her twin?

I am taking my 365 pictures, but don’t get around to posting them every day. I have turned the focus less on myself and more on my world. Why? Well, yes, not enjoying pictures of myself is a main reason. And while so many of you so bravely are showing everything and learning from the experience, I am taking the easy way out. I need to work up to it, this exposing me thing. I really do.

I’m curious, and feel free to comment anonymously, but those of you (and so many women fall into this category) who hate their bodies or dislike their bodies or admonish themselves for being not stick thin, what do you think when you see other people who are not the so-called ideal weight? Most people will tell others “Oh, you look great” but will put themselves down. Do you secretly think “You are fat like me” or do you really think they are jus fine, and you are the one with the issue?

There’s been a snag in my Running With the Babies plans: Arctic chill weather. Looks like I will be running back on the treadmill for the next week. In fact, I might as well only run indoors unless the temps get above 40. I don’t want running to be an awful experience for them, or me. Leave it to me to pick this new running style in the middle of winter.

Pictured above, one of my favorite recent pictures of Nicole. She, she smiles with her eyes. Me, I have a cold, vacant, scared look that tries to convey messages such as “How awful will this look?” and "Please stop taking pictures of me."


Anonymous said...

My kids have both had similar experiences to what you described about Madeline. My son has twice woken up screaming and crying inconsolably, and the first time it happened I brought him to the ER after 30 mins. He was diagnosed with an ingunial hernia (very common for premie boys and turned out they found two during the surgery that follwed a few weeks later) but the ER doc and our ped didn't think the crying was related to that at all since it is usually a painless thing. Just a coincidence that they found the hernia that night. My daughter does that type of sleep crying where it sounds hicuppy (I always worry she can't breathe, but doc says she's fine)once every few months, for about 10 minutes a shot and never really wakes up. She started doing it at about six/seven months. Doc attributes to bad dream and tells me not to wake her. When I have, she cries harder and takes longer to settle. I hate it. Otherwise, they are like your kids and sleep soundly from 6:30 - 7 with only one or two instances of one or two second sleep cries (usually just my son)that don't even wake them. as for the body image thing, I have been on a post-holiday binge (I am an all or nothing person, and have been in the "all" mode for about a month now) and hate my own body more than ever, but seem to think people who appear to be in similar proportion to look fine. Really heavy people make me angry though, when I think about how they allowed themsleves to get that way, probably because I worry I am headed there. Pretty messed up, huh?

Anonymous said...

Me again. Wanted to add that my twins are about the same age as yours (in case you were wondering)and that mine also have an affinity for Sesame Street. I get it anytime from the on demand feature on our cable - you should see if you have that too. It's free on our system, and gives me a break if it isn't on when they want it and we've watched the recorded episodes a million times. They have great dvds too. Okay, so now you probably know who I am and I shouldn't have posted anonymously today, but I was embarrased by my feelings about weight.

calliope said...

awww. I really like that photo of Nicole- it says so much about who she is looking at ;-)

so so sorry about the awful night terror moment, but super glad that the moment has passed.

As for images- the truth? I can look at a woman 3 times my size and find beauty. But looking at myself? no way. It is totally my own eye/body connection that is broken. Even now as I post photos from horrible angles I cringe, but it is so that I can just get over it. Yesterday I set the camera up and turned on the self-timer and took a photo of Mother and I sitting with Grandmother. And I love everything about the photo except how epic and giant my chin/neck/arms look. But just 24 hours later I can look at it and see the photo for what it is- a swiftly fleeting moment of my day.

suz said...

Totally sounds like night terror, they are more common when kids get overtired or have a day with a lot of stimulation.

Shelli said...

I tend to think I'm bigger than everyone around me. And if they are insanely obese, I often think: "wow - good for you, walking is great exercise.... I should exercise more."

horribly low self esteem about that. I can, however, given the right angle, appreciate my face. As long as the double chin isn't showing.

Yeah. Good think I left therapy, huh? ;)

As for Miss Maddie - textbook night terror. Poor boo.

Shelli said...

PS - Sesame Street on demand is the ONLY way I can get to my morning poop!

Anonymous said...

Hmmm.... you all sound like saints compared to me. I've kept up a running contest, of sorts, since my anorexic HS days. If someone is thin, no contest. They win. If they are in a questionable category, I start comparing myself to them. Is she thinner than me, or am I thinner than her? If I decide that I am, in fact, thinner, then what about how we are dressed/what we are buying? Who probably has more money? Who probably has a better job? Does she seem to CARE that she may be on the heavier side, or does she carry it well and not seem to make an issue of it?

In affluent areas, I tend to lose even if I deem myself thinner. In ghetto or poor rural white areas, I come out on top. Yes. I understand the socio-political implications of this little game.


Anonymous said...

I think I am fat and when I see others like me I think they are fat too. But I would never ever say that to them. I say they look great and act like I am fine with my body too.

Shereen said...

I can identify overweight in other people, but I'm not as quick to jump to judgement of it as I am with myself. And also I think I'm much more able to see beauty in other people's imperfections than in my own. So let's say you criticize a picture of yourself; I would probably see the objective things you were upset about, but I'd be unlikely to consider them defects. You know how lots of people hate their chin or the shape of their face, because their idea of a beautiful chin or face-shape is "something not the shape of mine". I can look at that chin and face shape without the baggage, and it'll look beautiful to me.

Most of the time, I'm mystified at other women's beliefs about their looks. You, for instance, are a really physically beautiful woman. It seems to me like your beauty would be an objectively obvious thing, impossible to argue with. And yet, you don't see it. Body image is just a really mystifying thing.

K J and the kids said...

I have these same questions. I feel like people have to look at other people and think they are fat when they are so concerned and caught up with weight issues.

I beat myself up and always feel like I need A TON of improvement. It's not until years later, now fatter and uglier that I look back at a picture of myself and think...damn I wish I could look like that again.

Right now I'm PISSED that everyone is making a big deal about J-Lo's back fat at the award show. GIVE ME A BREAK..she just had TWINS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. Plus I like it that she always looks healthy and not too skinny.
Bastard entertainment shows/magazines.

Syd has also suffered from night terrors. She's had a handful and thankfully we haven't had one for a while (maybe a couple of years).
I remember trying to stop it...and then when I realized what it was would just sit with her until it was over. You feel helpless.
If it makes you feel better. Hug and rock her, but they aren't awake and don't remember.
They may remember waking up in your arms for a brief second before falling back to sleep though :)
Hopefully it's a one time thing.