Tuesday, January 20, 2009

My Beauty is Objectively Obvious, Don’t You Know?

This cold weather is really starting to wear me down and reduce me to a pale, wan nub of my former self. The girls and I are in a self-imposed lockdown because I deem it too chilly for recreational walks or outings. We have been indoors for almost two weeks now. If it weren’t for my morning gym jaunts, I would never see a spot of sky. I don’t think the girls even remember what Outside looks like.

Who’s brilliant idea was it to have inaugurations in January? Why couldn’t history have selected a warmer month, when perhaps being outside for hours on end wouldn’t lead to frostbite or hypothermia? While our nation’s 44th president is sworn in amidst a crowd that numbers epic proportions, I will be watching, alone, since it is smack dab in the middle of nap time, from the comfort and solitude of my couch. It loses a bit of its shine, this whole shindig, when there is no one to share it with. I have to add that I am also looking forward to this all be over, though. I am tired of seeing, reading, hearing, breathing and living Inauguration. Let’s just move on and, I don’t know, change the world or something.

The other day, Avery did two things, one endearing and the other not so much so. First, I think she called Maddie “Addie.” It might have been a coincidence or just another random ramble, but I would like to think that maybe just maybe she was addressing her sister with a name instead of a grunt or squeal. We have been waiting for this moment for a while now, the moment when both girls start calling the other some butchered form of their name. Later on, while arguing over who had the rights to a favorite book, Avery pulled out a clump of Madeline’s hair. And I mean clump. Madeline has a bald spot in the middle of her head now. Madeline has such wispy cotton-candy hair anyway, and this missing patch doesn’t help matters. Mattie, ever the trooper, cried for about 12 seconds and then resumed playing as if she wasn’t missing one-third of her hair. That child is strong and brave.

Thanks to the peanut butter salmonella scare, my breakfast has been downgraded from peanut butter on toast to its much boring version of just toast. Ugh. I didn’t realize just how much energy the peanut butter gave me. For the past couple of days I have felt a little more sluggish than normal. Of course, this could all be in my head. But I need to find a quick and easy breakfast alternative because taking two-hour naps while the girls are napping is not the best or most effective use of my time.

Two things I have sucked at this year, so far: Updating this blog and adding a new picture every day to the 365 blog. While the 365 blog is an opportunity for me to practice various photography techniques, I also do want to use it to desensitize myself to pictures of me. Because I really need to do that. According to a commenter, I am objectively obviously beautiful. It really is a nice thing to say, but it would be an even nicer thing to really, truly, honestly feel.

Miracle in the Hudson. I have to say there is a part of me that is jealous that these people were forced to confront a seemingly imminent demise and then get a second chance at life. I wonder how these survivors are looking at life now? I wonder if they look at pictures of themselves and think, wow, I look ugly? Or maybe there are just so happy to be alive that their priorities were straightened out and their perspective was focused and their lives were instantly sharpened and changed in such a way that all that crap just sloughs off. The type of life overhaul that only comes about after a near-death experience, a religious awakening, a bout with a life-threatening illness or the devastating loss of a loved on. Maybe I am silly to think a picture-a-day can do anything closely resembling this.

Pictured above, the difference of three seconds. Like a flash, Avery is off. And Mattie and her fingers.


calliope said...

From what I understand you can still eat peanut butter from a jar- just check any peanut butter cookies before eating.
& you are not alone watching the ceremony today- I am right here on my couch too.

K J and the kids said...

Jars of PB are ok. Eat away.
My mouth is pasty just thinking about it :)

Can you pleeeease work on getting rid f this damn cold weather.
You have two weeks. :)

Shereen said...

Woo hoo! My comment became a post title!

And I feel you; the difference between others telling us we're beautiful, and believing it ourselves... as Shakespeare said, there's the rub. I suggested to my wife a long while ago that a first step is gritting her teeth and taking a compliment, without eye rolling, or automatic naysaying or self-denigration. It's incredibly hard to do, to have somebody say you're beautiful, and just say 'thank you' without arguing. But I promise, it comes with practice. I've been practising for 20 years now, and I swear, I'm much better at it. And much better at believing it to be true in a sustained kind of way. And my wife's getting quite a bit better at it, too.

So here you go, a chance for practice: you're beautiful.