She Is A Tall, Cool Guinness and I am the Warm, Flat O’Douls; and It’s Okay

I am sure their baby love for us is equal, but when Nicole is around, I am almost invisible. They clamor to get picked up by her, to ride high on her shoulder or just be in her orbit. I hold out my hands and say “Want to come to Momma?” and they rapidly turn their heads away and bury their chubby cheeks into Nicole’s shoulder, while tightening their grip on her. So that would be a “No.” It doesn’t bother me, which makes me wonder if my children have helped erase some of my jealously issues.

In other “no” news, I think Avery is starting to shake her head no. I was telling her No yesterday and shaking my head and she copied me, multiple times, with intent. Of course she did the opposite of no, but how exciting that they are starting to communicate more. Madeline loves to play with the ball, and if I tell her to get the ball, she will, and she will bring it to me and I will toss it away and she will go and get it. Repeat for minutes. Avery will also retrieve the ball and Doggie on command. It is like seeing slow-moving miracles, watching the girls learn to communicate. You can almost see the cartoon light bulb pop up above their heads.

Maybe I have a sinus infection, because I feel this crackle in my sinuses and a sort of pressure, but not pain per se. I have felt like crap for the past few days. I scared Nicole the other morning because I passed out on my way to get her some coffee. I slammed the almost empty coffee mug in the wall as I collapsed, spilling it on my lobster skirt, which annoyed me most of all. As far as pass-outs go, it was of those good ones, when for a split second you feel this clarity and lightness and suddenly you believe in ghosts and Heaven and the Unseen Universe and you understand infinity and the secrets of life. It is peaceful, really. Then the world pixelates, fades to black, and I hear the slam my body makes before I feel the slam, as if I am an observer of myself. It is like a drug-induced rush. Nicole asked if I was okay, and I stupidly said yes, then thought better and called out for help. I heard her hustling to get Madeline off her lap and rush to my side. All told, twenty seconds or so of drama. I chalk it up to low blood pressure, which means I should take my time getting into a standing position, which I never do. I also blame four cups of coffee and no breakfast yet.

Pictured above, scenes fro Sunday’s BBQ. We had a great time and the girls were well behaved and they were home and in bed by seven. We changed their diapers on Auntie Annie and Auntie Nancy’s bed, and there at their bedside was a picture of our girls. I can’t even put into words really how the makes me feel, our children, adored and loved, by people who are so important to us.