Thursday, May 29, 2008

It’s A Bullet List Kind of Morning....

• Avery needs a harness and Madeline needs a tether. Avery will go in every direction, fascinated and interested in every clump of atoms in her line of sight. She is like a little firecracker, exploding with joy all over the place, unable to decide What To Play With or Look At Next Because There Are So Many Options. A harness would help keep her contained. Madeline needs her space. She needs to roam far and wide and doesn’t mind not seeing us at all. A common sight in this house is her little body rounding a corner, and disappearing down a hall. A tether would keep Madeline connected to us while giving her the freedom she needs. Better yet, tie Madeline’s tether to Avery’s harness and they will form a Tasmanian devil-like vortex, spinning in circles.

• We are leaving on a jet plane (did you all sing it too?) later this morning and I am anxious. Very anxious. I just don’t like flying. I told Nicole that I need to be able to be Bossy today, telling her what to do before we leave, so I can feel in control of something. She gamely agreed. So starting at 7:00ish this morning I will be telling her to empty the kitchen garbage and wipe down the dining room table and throw the chicken out. I will be Boss Lady and all order will be restored in the world, one chore at a time.

• I have always said that I don’t look good in a one-piece bathing suit and look much better in a bikini. That seems so impossible to be true, I know. But let me explain: This is not to say I look like a swimsuit model in a two-piece. Far far far from it. But if I have to put on a swimming costume, then it will be a bikini and I will try to spend as much time laying flat on my back, stretched out a little, which hides all the little bulges, wiggles and jiggles that pop out when I stand/walk. Nicole has never seen me in a one piece so I dragged one out of the nether regions of my drawer and put on a mini swimwear fashion show. In the bikini vs. Speedo smack down, the bikini won by miles. Nicole even seemed a little shocked at just how unflattering the one piece looked on me. If I had any guts I would post pictures. It’s bizarre how less clothes sometimes covers me up better.

• Yep, Judy, you nailed it! You know exactly where we were over the weekend. It is a beautiful spot, no? I think I will be spending many an afternoon there, if anyone cares to join. Such a little New York City secret.

• There’s a story on that states New York will recognize gay marriages. Failing to recognize gay marriages is a violation of human rights. Do you see the crap I have to deal with daily? My human rights being violated. First step: Nicole and I will be legally recognized, thus making miles and miles of extra paperwork unnecessary and sending conservatives into a tailspin. Next step: Once we have the right to marry, we will lobby for the right to marry pets/furniture. Isn’t that what people are afraid of? Psappho, please explain how this will/won’t affect us New Yorkers. The ruling, that is,not being betrothed to furniture. And while you are at it, could you just create a cable access show so you can have a platform? That is your summer assignment, if you aren’t too busy. (Updated to add: Scrooge McLesbian I mean Nicole is up and when I told her the good news, she said it doesn't matter because we can't get married in Massachusetts because we have to be residents. So much fr her dropping to her knees and proposing this morning. If we can't marry in Mass then it doesn't matter if we have recognized marriages here in NY. I need a bat signal for Psappho.)

• On Tuesday Nicole flew up to Boston for a meeting. The meeting adjourned and she was back on the shuttle by 1:00 to speed back to NYC. She called me to tell me how she was just going to come back home and work from here for the rest of the day. Joy! But due to thunderstorms and such, she sat on the runway for EIGHT hours. On a Delta shuttle. With no book and nothing but a three-year old granola bar excavated from the corner of her bag. She didn’t get home until 10:Something. I told her if that had been me, we all would have heard about it on the evening news, as I would have gone crazy.

• So yesterday I go to the gym at my regular 5:30 a.m. time and the doors were locked. The person opening the gym forgot his keys. There was a small and growing mob of us who waited 45 minutes until someone else could come with a set of keys. Why Lexapro is Good: I waited patiently and didn’t freak out at all. A little bump in the road, this was, that’s all. In fact, I tried to make the poor guy feel better by making jokes about Mentos commercials and leading an aerobics workout in the lobby. Why Lexapro is Bad: Shouldn’t I have just gone home? Skipped a day? Thing is, I skipped the day before ad I thought I couldn’t possibly skip two days in a row. I waited because not going seem to have greater consequences. This requires more thought than I am capable of right now.

• My next post will be from sunny, sweaty, humid, pastel and neon-pink Florida. We are staying at Nicole’s parents. They live on a lake (does everyone in Florida live on some body of water? A lake, a canal, a pond, an intracoastal waterway…) and we look forward to watching the girls play along its shores. I’ll bet you all a dollar that Avery will drink the water. I’ll be posting lots of pictures.

• If you have the energy, please send some positive thoughts my way around noonish EST. That is when we will be boarding JetBlue and heading down to Florida. Traveling down the eastern seaboard, each of us with a baby on our laps seems impossible. The girls will spend less than 30 seconds on my lap before trying to wiggle down. So three hours? How?? I envision walking up and down the aisles for the duration of the flight with an antsy child. How Mina does this going to Japan, with two kids, I will ever know.

• I’m off to the gym to try to pound of some anxiety on the treadmill.

• Pictured above: Look at them in the tub. She how Avery is all over the place? And Madeline has her back turned to Nicole? Below that, Miss Maddie, indulging in my picture taking. And below that, a memory that lights the corner of my mind: One of Madeline’s first baths at home. Or is that Avery?? Either way, look at her little belly button stump.


amy said...

will definitely be thinking of you guys around noon and sending much strength! even though you can't marry in MA, can't you marry in CA for the recognition in NY? We are thinking about going to CA, unfortunately we live in Atlanta and GA has no such recognition law but maybe one day they will?

ms.bri said...

Have a good trip!

That plane scenario of Nicole's? AAAAAAAAACK. The NO BOOK part. What the hell? Doesn't everyone carry a book at all times? AWFUL! Poor thing.

As you asked, I will tell you - you should have gone home and skipped the gym. You can take that with the heaping of salt it deserves, as I think gyms are equivalent to torture chambers and don't understand their use, period. Probably Wes would be more sympathetic. But to me, that just means it is all the more a flashing red light. If Wes would understand, that usually means a little gym dysfunction going on. Heh.

Shelli said...

Take a wee trip to California, or Canada.

Narda and will try and figure out how and where to get hitched PRONTO, because even airfare for all three of us (child included-kid gets her own seat - I COULD NOT lap sit Malka after 8 months old, no way!) would be cheaper than lawyer fees for all of the other random crap we'd have to do to protect our family...

Baby B said...

Have a safe flight (it's just about noon EST, 9 over here on the West Coast), and have a wonderful time with all your girls down in Florida. Just remember: sunscreen and bug repellent.
PS: my parents flew with my twin sister and I to Hawaii when we were 5 months old and back to the mainland when we were 3 1/2. That's my little cheer. You can do it! :]

Anonymous said...

thinking of oyu and i echo what everyone else says get thee to Canada and or California. You can get to Canada without leaving the ground.

Good luck on the travel.

Baby B said...

Random side note: I have heard my parents say separately (they're divorced) that now when they hear a baby crying on a plane, they don't get very annoyed, because they understand how hard it is! You can't explain to a baby or a toddler why their ears hurt, why they can't run around, etc.

psapph0 said...

Gay rights correspondent Psapph0 here! From what I can tell, this has about as much relevance (at present, anyway) as if Gov. Patterson issued a directive stating that all New Yorkers are all entitled to own a Hovercraft, even though it is illegal to buy one in New York. At first, this sounds really promising and exciting- but if we take a closer look, the real question becomes, "OK, great... but where the hell am I going to get a Hovercraft???"

Only one state in the US currently sells Hovercraft, and you can only buy a Hovercraft in MA if it is legal to buy a Hovercraft in your own state. Note, NY now says it is legal to OWN one in the state, but not legal to BUY one. MA is out of the question for Hovercraft acquisition.

What about CA? I heard that they're going to start selling Hovercraft there on June 16th. That might work, if the courts that ruled it is legal to sell Hovercraft in CA don't decide to put a hold on their decision so that the old fashioned auto makers can put an amendment on the November ballot making it illegal to sell Hovercraft in CA. If that happens, CA will be out of the question as well. (Of course, if it doesn't, NYers will probably be able to go to CA and get Hovercrafts and transport them back, but we won't know that for months.) There is also the chance that, even if you DO get a Hovercraft in CA and bring it back to NY, CA can put out a recall on all Hovercrafts purchased between June 16 and November 4.

And what about Canada? Hovercrafts are legal all over Canada. Why not just drive North? Well, in the unfortunate case that your Hovercraft breaks down and you need to trade it in, you would need to return to Canada and live there for ONE YEAR before you could terminate your lease or sell the title.

There are, of course, some loopholes. In MA, you can buy a Hovercraft, even in you live in a Hovercraft-Free state, so long as you promise that you will be relocating to MA some time in the near future and will be bringing your Hovercraft with you. Plans can always change, right? And I think that there are some countries out in Europe that also allow the international purchase of Hovercraft.

All of that said, I am left wondering if it is worth the effort to try and get a Hovercraft into NY, or if I should spend my time and effort getting the Hovercraft Bill passed in the NY Senate.

Oh... and about marrying furniture... what exactly is wrong with that again? I have an extremely deep, loving and supportive relationship with my couch and, should anything ever happen to me, I want to make sure that she is well taken care of!

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