Sunday, February 17, 2008

View From The Top

Sorting through some computer files, I came across this not-so-lovely log, from exactly two years ago to the date:

Friday Feb 17th 2006: Started bleeding in the morning. Dull pain in left side. Cramping and lots of internal pressure. Had difficulty walking and sitting was very hard. Blacked out twice during the day (one complete black-out; a second was an intense dizzy spell but I could still see.) Pain was coming in waves. I think I took 3 pills. It felt like a balloon was expanding in me. Felt weird spasms. Intense, intense pain between around 10 am and 4 pm. At 4 pm I fell asleep. When I woke up an hour and a half later I felt slightly better. Still pressure though. Couldn’t cough or sneeze without causing pain.

What a time warp. All that pain turned out to be an ectopic, which meant the D&C I had over a month before just eliminated one baby, and not the surprise one in my tube. January and February and most of March of 2006 was just one living nightmare. I never thought I would make it out of that pit. Hell, the whole year was a pit.

Last night I went to Persepolis and it was awesome. I love that in this age of ultra-fancy cartoons, something can be stripped to its bare bones and still be beautiful and entertaining. It was such a great story from beginning to end. I know that two-sentence review won’t exactly cause a stampede to the next showing, but it is so worth seeing if it is playing in a theater near you or, at the very least, when it shows up on cable.

I have a connection to Iran now, since our donor was born in Iran. He is not Iranian, though, he is 100 percent Armenian, to match Nicole’s heritage. Apparently there is an enclave of Armenians in Iran. Or, was an enclave. I have no idea what is going on there now. Our donor must have left (but he was living there during the revolution, I surmise) and somehow ended up where he ended up in America. The randomness of it all, it boggles my mind, that there was some random Armenian boy born in Iran who grew up to someday provide the genetic material I needed to have babies with the random girl in my high school who randomly became the love of my life. Life never makes sense in linear moments but looking at the time line from above, I can really see how everything—the good, the bad and the heartbreaking—all happened for a reason. I imagine that wherever the donor is, he might have seen Perseopolis, because of his own heritage. It’s all so strange.

And here’s a conversation that our parents didn’t have: We are discussing the whole sibling registry thing. We are going back and forth because this isn’t a decision to take lightly. I have read such wonderful stories, though. The question is, do we want to add this dynamic to our family for the girls? Of course, I have no idea if there are any registrees with our donor, so all this talk is speculation over whether or not for us to register.

Pictured above, what $1200 a night is NYC looks like. This is a view from the top floor (54th) of the Mandarin Hotel, a super swanky and chic hotel a few blocks form our home. This room, on the top floor, has an amazing view of Central Park and, on the other side, the Hudson River. Look how tiny the cabs look! It was like looking at a miniature world in a snow globe, without the snow. Alas, it wasn’t our room: It was a old friend’s room, who has a pretty big secret of her own.


Mikhela said...

is her secret yhat she;s a millionaire?

K J and the kids said...

To think that you were always meant to have twins.

This is the great part about the registry. You can have as little contact with those who register as you would like. There is no need to meet and greet like we did. You can just exchange stories and pictures. Or even just stories.

Can't wait to hear what you decide.

calliope said...

wow - that is some view!

& I agree- there is a lot of random in life- some good, some bad.

Do you know anyone with a membership to DSR? I had one and then let it expire until, you know, I actually needed it. But maybe someone can look up & see if there are any matches already- knowing that might make a difference on if you want to "go there".

Louise said...

You and Nicole went to the same high school?!?! How totally cool/cute is that? Did you know each other?

What a phenoman view of central park! Talk about friends in high places. I have stayed in some amazing hotels but none with a view like that.

I am childless but I would have a very difficult time deciding what to do with the donor registry. I am sure that you will make the right decision. Good luck!

judy said...

"As adults, we must ask more of our children than they know how to ask of themselves. What can we do to foster their open-hearted hopefulness, engage their need to collaborate, be an incentive to utilize their natural competency and them ways they can connect, reach out, weave themselves into the web of relationships that is called community."
Dawna Markova

This quote is not biased on my part either way, yet it did make me ponder your girl's special circumstances and wonder how "community" to them might be a powerful, enchanting vision of our future.

Anonymous said...

She must have a stonking great secret if she can afford $1200 a night at the top of the Mandarin Hotel!

Wow, you and Nicole went to the same high school?

Jennifer said...

I have a membership to the DSR so if you'd like me to check for matches just email me.

I still go back and forth about the amount of contact I'd want (S wants NONE) but since there are no matches it is a moot point right now.