Friday, February 15, 2008

Custody Agreements and Unfunded Foundations

Nicole reminded me that Valentine’s Day is a Hallmark Holiday, so I guess I have thank Hallmark executives for my new iPod. My Hallmark thank-you card is in the mail.

In general, I am on the fence at V Day. Part of me wants the flowers and candy and gifts and dinner at the ridiculously romantic One If By Land because that is what Society tells me I want, and I am, sadly, very good as listening to Society and caving into Peer Pressure (hello, eighth-grade perm). The other part of me wants to eschew all that and purposefully ignore the day, refusing to buy into the superficiality of it all. In the end, I lean slightly toward the later because flowers die and I am not a chocolate fanatic and I don’t really like lightly smoked quail a la plancha with jicama kim chee and peanut aioli. But I don’t really like to eliminate the idea of the gifting aspect of the day because Nicole is very good at picking out very good presents for me.

So last night was an oh-so-romantic dinner of pizza and Dr. Pepper for us, which is fine by me. My nephew and niece called to wish us a happy Valmintime’s Day, which was adorable. And besides the appearance on the stunningly beautiful new iPod in our house, yesterday was just another day.

Embracing the best of the holiday, I did have a few moments of gratitude for our relationship. Perhaps I have Lexapro to thank for that? When I was younger I never understood why some couples would separate after dealing with huge issues, like death. I thought it would just bring people closer. It wasn’t until going though TTC and miscarriages did I actually realize that it is so easy to get sucked into the dark vortex of depression and misery and spiral into going your separate ways. That is why we said the last IVF we did would be our last: We saw the toll this process was taking on us and felt the distance between us growing. How much more could we take? If we didn’t stop or take a long break, our relationship would have been shredded. I was not happy at all about that decision, but what good would it do to bring children into our relationship if our relationship eventually fell apart? Or, if we never had children, was it worth it to destroy what we had for something that couldn’t happen? It was a gamble, and I was gambling the best thing that happened to me for the chance (and it was just a chance) to make it even better. It’s like winning big in Vegas and throwing it all on the roulette table on red.

Of course, the happy ending was the last IVF worked, miracle of miracles, times two, and here we are. If the IVF didn’t work, I am certain she would have glued us back together and made us better. I am so grateful for Nicole and who she is and everything she does. I attribute the success of our relationship completely on her stability and patience. I am the storm and she is the calm. I fall apart and she stays together. She makes me want to be a better person. I feel so ridiculously lucky sometimes. I said to her the other day I would gladly sign a legal paper saying in the event of separation I will relinquish all rights to our children because I am that certain it will never happen.

Besides, if she hasn’t left because of my ridiculous eating habits than nothing could drive her away. Everyone jokes how I am a cheap date because I don’t not really enjoy most foods. It’s funny how bland my food tastes are, especially considering my parents and brother will all eat anything that comes in front of them. They are a bunch of extra rare-meat eating, sushi-loving, raw-oyster gulping, carnivorous Republicans. I am definitely the black sheep of the family. I once went out for a tastings menu dinner here and course after course arrived, these stunning little dishes with microscopic portions of beautifully appointed foods, and I couldn’t eat a single one OR drink the vodka served in bewteen. Chicken (and turkey) is the only meat I eat, and even then, it has to be off the bone and with no skin or fat and cooked just right. I don’t like mayonnaise. I don’t like creamy salad dressings. I don’t like sushi or mushrooms or most breakfast cereals or sausage or toppings on pizza. And I wouldn’t even eat chicken cutlets cooked with breadcrumbs until last year. I live mainly on variations of breads and chicken and apples and pretzels, so it is amazing that I can keep weight on me at all. Poor Nicole is subjected to my tastes, since I am the one who cooks, and if it weren’t for take out, I think she might protest.

A woman was just on the Today Show because she is suing Best Buy for 54 million because they lost her laptop. They gave her about four thousand dollars and a $500 gift card, but she decided to sue anyway and claims it isn’t for the money. Are we EVER going to see lawsuit reform in this country? I know she has a snowball’s chance in hell of winning but still, I look at people stuck in the cycle of poverty or people struggling in the awful economy and people working two or three jobs to make a better life for the family and can’t help but think that woman is about greed greed greed. I have yet to hear one story of a person suing “Not for money; for the principle” start any sort of foundation to further said principle or donate said money to another worthwhile charity. If you have heard of such a story, please share.

Thanks for the hair advice. I never would have know to look for “golden” or “warm” in the name! Insider’s tips! Those are exactly the sort of things I needed to read. Maybe I will try this weekend.

Pictured above, Miss Avery has learned a few things form her sister, including carrying toys in her mouth. First the pacifier and now this.


K J and the kids said...

I always felt like I showed my lower class upbringing by my food choices or lack there of. I watched movies and saw these outrageous meals at the finest restaurants filled with different creatures under the sea wrapped with something growing in the furthest corner of my lawn. I put two and two together and knew that I would never fit in with "money" people.

I've grown....and now I simply don't care :) ha ha

judy said...

Your girls are like two little puppies....very cute. Food is a tough one for me too.

Anonymous said...

Apparently I am 'fussy' as I won't touch seafood at all. Just about everybody in my family will vacuum down anything seafood related, but not me, I just can't bring myself to eat it.
Luckily my wife doesn't like seafood either, so consequently, we never eat it!

Anonymous said...

Putting it Together: You became the liberal black sheep of the family because you listened to excessive amounts of Barbra Streisand as a pre-teen and as a young adult. I've heard she has subliminal liberal rhetoric ensconced in her music. If you play "Stayed Too Long at the Fair" backwards you hear the messages "Increase government spending for the poor and uneducated. Universal health coverage for all." I have heard that listening to Michael W. Smith music can undo any liberal thoughts that might run through your head. Either that or Rush Limbaugh. Your girls are adoreable!