Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Appearances are Deceiving***

***Edited to add: Wow, the secrets keep coming, in the previous post! We are up to 24! Keep posting them! I wish we all could start anonymous blogs that deal with these very real situations and issues. Those of us with blogs, after a while of writing we start to get to know people and meet people and then sometimes family and friends read our blogs and suddenly we are editing what we say. I have to be careful what I write if I know, say, that my mother is reading this. So what starts as a very real and very honest outlet can get diluted by editing. I certainly don't do myself any favors by posting my name, Nicole's name, our children's names AND picture of us all! I might as well give out my address and social security number. But, I have to say, I am feeling more confident about sharing my secrets/dark parts. Because once I admit them to myself, and start dealing with them myself, why not let the world in? I've always been open to a fault, but now, in my thirties, I find myself being open for the right reasons. More on that in another post...

And now back to your regularly scheduled post....

I grew up on a diet of songs like “Can I Have This Dance For the Rest of My Life” (Anne Murray) and “If I Could Save Time in a Bottle” (the song where they sing about spending an eternity with you) and other ditties about forever and eternity so it seems rational that I am a person who believes in things For Life. Partners, friends, homes, appearance, hobbies, all for life. I realize this is unhealthy, but I detest change, I really do.

I have to be honest, though, and maybe it is time for me to put more thought my appearance and start thinking about some changes there. Let’s start with my stomach: Who know when you make dough and it doubles in size and then you punch it down in the middle? That is what my stomach looks like when Avery places her chubby little hand on it for balance, punched-in dough. This is due in part to what happens after your body is stretched beyond its limits to carry twins, so a part of me is proud of it and happy to have that problem. The other part of me likes to wear jeans with confidence and wishes it were gone.

Once upon a time, I wore makeup and skirts and heels and perfume and got manicures and even had matching bra-and-underwear combos. I haven’t worn makeup in maybe two years (occasionally lipstick) and, to be honest, since I never really learned the art of makeup application it is safe to say I have only really worn makeup at weddings and other occasions when friends have been on hand to help. I stopped wearing perfume when my favorite of 16 years was discontinued. My evening attire includes a pair of very oversized flannel pajama bottoms and an out-of-shape tank top with three monkeys on it. I know, sexy. My extreme insomnia (ambien no longer works, dammit and the Lexapro has been making me tired during the day) has made my early morning gym visits impossible so I am going through gym withdrawal (but hope to realign this weekend). My nails are ripped to shreds, since I use said nails as tools these days. And my hair is tinged with lots of gray, which sort of blends in since my hair color is light-ish brown-ish but still, I look in the mirror and see wrinkles and gray and feel old. And did I mention that I have had the same haircut with minor variations since I was six-years-old?

I manage to dress myself during the day in my uniform of jeans and a tee shirt, but I am in my pajamas every night when Nicole gets home. Except for weekends, Nicole rarely sees me out of pajamas. Not that she really cares, but I care, so there you go.

This is all vanity-based issues but it would be nice to feel pick-your-adjective. But I don
T even know where to start. I keep thinking one of these days I am going to Sephora and getting a full makeover And I have been thinking that for like seven years.

I am thinking about getting a completely new hair color that would require changing my base color AND adding highlights (and lots of upkeep). But I am scared it will look awful, so I don’t make the appointment.

Where does this inadequacy come from? Is it really from television and movies and ads?

Thank you, secret revealers, in my last comments. You are all brave! I wish everyone left a secret, but alas, I can’t force anyone to spill their beans, even anonymously. I love reading the secrets, even though I have no idea who wrote them or which blogs they belong to. We might seem to have it all together but inside we are dealing with our own messes/quandaries/issues. There are some really juicy ones in there!

I really really really want to see There Will Be Blood. I am a sucker for frontier anything, a la Little House on the Prairie, the best book series/television series ever!

Pictured above, even with prunes on her face, Madeline is still oh so cute. And below, a gratuitous butt shot.


nailgirl said...

You need to revamp yourself. Not because you look bad or anything cuz you dont. But you need to do it for your self. It will make you feel so much better. I dye my own hair to cover the gray, and I always feel so much better when i do.
I love pajamas. I get up and take a shower and put a fresh pair on everyday. Unless I am going somewhere. Then as soon as I come home the pj's go back on.
This just reminded me that I need to revamp my hair before my dad's memorial next week. Thanx!

K J and the kids said...

My son will pull my shirt up grab at my "package" I like to refer to it as a deflated balloon, and giggle. He thinks mommys tummy is hilarious. NICE !
I'm scared to see what it ends up looking like after being stretched to past capacity twice.

You need a spa day. massage, nails, masks......get to it !

calliope said...

I insist that you get a full day of pampering so we can enjoy it in spirit with you.

& thank you.

Dee said...

Change is hard. Especially when it impacts your hard protective shell, i.e., your appearance. But it feels so good to get a new hair color or cut, or a pedicure. It's so good for the soul! So do it!!!

Renee and Janice said...

I think the secret posting is fabulous. Lots of people have been able to vent things that I'm sure they just have not talked about to anyone else. Sometimes just saying it out loud makes us feel better. Maybe I should do this on my site too and just make random posts anonymously to my site, LOL :)
Thanks for the wonderful idea!

starrhillgirl said...

So, normally, I'm all over you blog - all. over. it. As in with love and admiration and all that. But today? Today was special. You not only talked about the self-editing that has been gnawing at my soul (my very, very dear father reads my blog - no talk about sex or money, thank you), but then you topped it off with the Most Important For Me Ever Childhood Reference - Little House on the Prairie. And then a gratuitous butt shot? What stars aligned to bring me all this richness?

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure if my last comment went through and apologize if this is a duplicate, but just wanted to say this was my first visit and I love your site.

Thanks for reminding me I need to do a little self-maintenance (can you still call them "roots" when they're about three inches long? I need a dye job and quick)