Thursday, July 19, 2007

More Whine

Both babies are sleeping and I am drunk with (temporary) freedom.

Here’s how whine-y I am: I complain about being overwhelmed and I have help almost 24 hours a day. Nanny Annie is here during the day and stays until Nicole gets home from work. Nicole’s mother will be here all next week, day and night. My sister-in-law is here twice a week usually. And there is an endless stream of friends who stop by, willing to hold and feed a baby or two. The only time I am alone with the babies is from when Nicole leaves for work until when Annie arrives (around 7 am till 10 am). And that just happens to be when the babies are off the wall.

People rarely believe that Maddie and the Aviator can get so crank-because they tend to put their best face forward in the presence of company. Our friends Jon and Tim were just over and of course the babies were little angels. They tend to be angels during the day. They like to look around and play on their acid trip mat (one of those play mats) and, of course, eat. Where they experience the most difficulty, I think, is during transitional times. So when night becomes day (from 6ish to 10ish) and when day becomes night (coincidentally, from 6ish till 10ish again) the babies get quite fussy. I think they sense the change. In the morning, they hear Nicole get up and sense the sunlight that slips in through the blinds and hears the noise on the street. And at night, I think they sense the sun going down and notice that we dim the lights. It’s as if night is coming and they think in their little baby brains “I’m not ready for this!!!” I could be WAY off, but that’s my theory and I am sticking to it.

Last night, from 6ish until 10ish, both babies insisted on being held and collapsed into meltdowns if we even thought about stopping walking/bouncing. They eventually fell into an exhausted sleep. Avery then slept for four hours straight and Maddie a little less than that. Honestly, the night wakings don’t bother me so much anymore. They wake, we feed them and we all go back to bed. It is those crazy transitional times that make life really hard.

It is just all so difficult, with or without help. I agree with all of you who tell me I need to let go of the image of how I thought things we supposed to be…release that image of the uber mom. We all just do the best that we can. And it is ridiculously hard. There is NO preparation: You go from a me me me life to a completely different on in a mere day. Or even in mere moments.

I am okay with the fact that life changes with children. It is a sacrifice, yes, but one that we wanted. And in the end we can’t just go and do whatever we want to go and do anymore. This weekend, the aforementioned friends are hosting a charity event at their house on Fire Island (hosted by Whoopi Goldbe*rg!) and we can’t go. Well, we could but I can’t imagine how it would work. It is way too much effort with newborns. A month down the road, it would be much easier. But now, no way. And I really want to go, to get out of the city and to walk by the ocean and just relax. I would settle to see a movie. Or a dinner out. Having a little alone time is key. At this point, even a solo trip to the dry cleaner is restorative. But having couple time is key-er. That statistic that the average couple only engages in 15 minutes of meaningful conversation a day is frightening. And very close to being true, since our evenings are hijacked these days.

I do have something to look forward to: I am going to Blis*s Spa on Monday. Nicole has the day off and Nicole’s mom is coming up to stay with us for the week, so with two sets of hands to take care of the babies I feel like I can have an afternoon off. I am so excited and spend hours browsing the treatments with one hand while breastfeeding the babies. I need to book today, or run the chance of not being able to get in. And that CAN’T happen. I feel guilty for even wanting a mini break but I know in the end it is better for everyone if I am relaxed.

And, more important, I *think* the babies are starting to smile. It may not be gas smiles anymore. It is still too soon to tell, but both babies are getting happy little smiles on their chubby little faces. Maybe. And tears. they both are getting their tears now. That is going to be SO hard when those tears are working at full force.

Today I ate pretzels, a pickle and half a Pop Tart. I am so hungry. How do people with newborns eat?

The natives are getting is it in separate rooms they both started to stir at the same time?? This twin thing is kind of spooky sometimes.

Pictured above is us on Fire Island last year and a picture of their pool, where I won’t be relaxing by this weekend. But the thought of being there in August might help me get through a few rough patches…


lagiulia said...

Just checking in again. One of our boys went through colicky crying from about 6PM to 10PM for a month or so, and all we could do was walk around the apartment with him in a fleece pouch. I couldn't stand it- usually my husband did it because I couldn't deal with it after a whole day with them. Hope it gets better soon.

Motel Manager said...

The smiles will make a big difference, and the girls should get less fussy at the transition times over time (although I totally agree with you that that sort of info is really not comforting in the here and now).

The pool looks amazing. Have it in your mind while you're at the spa!

K J and the kids said...

I say TAKE the trip. There will be PLENTY of people to hold babies. Miss Whoopie are you crazy !

I think you were right when talking about the c word.
I nannied for a baby that was fussy from 5-9 pm. SCREAMED THE ENTIRE TIME. I honestly could be holding her and she would be screaming. one time...shortly before I quit...I had to go lay her down on her moms bed....I turned on white noise on the radio and walked out closing the door behind me. It was either that or shake the shit out of her.
I don't know how you do it with two that have the c word.

Melinda said...

Going through my baby's colic was the loneliest thing. People kept telling me "Don't worry; it gets easier. This part will be over in 3 months." And I would get so pissed. Did they not realize how desperate I felt? Putting a time limit on the colic was the worst thing I could've done, because if 3 months rolled around and she was STILL colicky? I would've completely lost my shit.

When my daughter was 2 months old I joined a local moms group full of sunny first-time moms with perfect cooing non-colicky babies. I wanted to destroy everyone in my path.

I think the bottom line is: you get through it. Somehow. In spite of what seems possible. And there are other moms out there right now going through exactly what you are -- you just can't find them because they aren't posting; they're too busy banging their heads against walls.

And btw - my daughter is 10 months old now, and my husband and I still haven't gone on a date! The romance involved in this life of parenthood? Is staggering.

You've heard it 5,000 times and you'll hate me for saying it, but: hang in there.

sarzini said...

Ah yes I remember the 6-10pm witching hour. We invested in ear plugs, found out how great closed captioning on TV was and gritted our teeth. Our daugher had colic until she was 4 months. The peak of the "crazies" as I called it is around 6 weeks and it gradually gets better. Note the word gradually! Enjoy the spa time.

nailgirl said...

I"m sorry I dont have anything to say to help you as I have never had a baby with colic. Hugs.

Amy said...

Yes, the witching hour. We experienced with all 3 kids. They say it usually is between the hours your girls are having it. Not much to do, it is their time to release energy. NO FUN for us though. Especially when you are out numbered.

I think we lived on PB&J and pizza rolls for months after the twins were born.