Thursday, June 14, 2007


Today I left the apartment for the second time alone. The first time was yesterday, when I went to get the sutures taken out of my hand. And today I went down to Union Square for a BabiesR*Us visit. That involved a subway ride, so it seemed much more serious than the doctor’s appointment. The world now moves at a faster pace than I am used to. Or maybe my pace has slowed down. But everything just seemed so loud and abrasive and high speed, moving at the speed of light. And I feel slower and calmer than all that. Not to mention sloppy: Picture me with dried breast milk (from pumping) on my skirt and food stains on my shirt from one-handed eating. Lovely image, isn’t it?

I guess I am going through some transitions. Everything/everyone just seems so different.

The pain from the C section is all gone and has now been replaced with some intense shoulder and tricep pain. Apparently, according to my doctor, this is common when women begin breastfeeding, especially twins. My posture isn’t helping matters: To see what I mean just look at the picture from my last post of me holding Maddie. I’m like a vulture. Shoulders scrunched up, all tense. The pain is awful. Once again, I have a hard time picking up and holding and feeding the babies. But I do it anyway, which is making everything worse. My doctor gave me some exercises to do and some codeine, which really helps to minimize the pain for a while. I hate taking all these medicines, but what good am I if I can’t move without pain?

Nicole goes back to work on Monday and I am not quite ready for that. I like having her around all the time. I’ve said this before, but I just am not the type that needs a lot of space away from her. That might be unhealthy for some, but it works for us. I forget that we have these new roles to step into: Nicole the Provider and me the Homemaker. I guess we practiced these roles during the pregnancy, since I wasn’t working, and even, to a lesser extent, during our entire relationship. But that all seemed so trail run. Now it’s the real deal, complete with two extra little lives to take care of. Another transition.

These babies must be going through a growth spurt because they want to eat all the time Every time I turn around, they have their little fists shoved in their mouths or they are rooting around. They still think that nighttime is daytime, and get up every hour and a half or so. But during the day, they can nap for 4 hours straight, if we let them. We just ordered a sleep book so hopefully we will get this sleeping behavior in check some time soon.

Pictured above are A&M. Forgive my proud parent moment, but aren’t they so cute? The funny thing is, you’d think that they would have some sort of special twin bond, but these two are going through a stage where they don’t exactly seem enamored with each other’s presence. Avery tries to BF off of any of Maddie’s parts and Maddie, in turns, kicks, punches and pushes Miss Avery away. It’s cute to watch now, but we hope they outgrow this stage.


Shelli said...

oh my LAWDY, are those girls cute!

K J and the kids said...

They are BEAUTIFUL ! LOVE LOVE LOVE the picture.
I'm sorry that you are in pain. I was told, during pregnancy, but it may apply tape my shoulders back to keep my posture in line. I tried EVERY pillow out there to breastfeed and none seemed to help. Pretty soon they will get bigger and stronger and it will be easier to hold them to your breast.
Take care of you !

gypsygrrl said...

ohmygosh. that is about THE CUTEST photo. ever! it looks like Avery wants to be up and *chat* and Maddie is thinking "sheesh. i just wanna take a NAP!"

they are gorgeous and adorable and amazing... thanks for sharing your journey! i enjoy reading your blog so much... i bet Nicole is really going to miss being with you and the babies all the time too...

keep up with the pics! we love them!

lagiulia said...

It all sounds SO familiar. You are not alone in any of what you are going through, though it might seem that way sometimes. These transitions are the first of many more. We will be here through all of them.

My posture is permanently bad now. I think it has caused a lot of my body pain. I don't know what to tell you. I was not good about using a nursing pillow once I was out of the NICU, and maybe that would be my advice: find a nursing pillow that really keeps you from hunching forward all the time. We twins moms really have to nurse A LOT, so finding a place of relative comfort is important. (I'm a hypocrite!)

Call or email anytime if you need to vent or need advice. Your girls are soooooo beautiful, by the way!

Jeannette said...

they really are so beautiful!!

kate said...

They are just so beautiful and i love their pictures.

I hope you have someone to call for help when Nicole goes back to work!

Re sleep -- you will have to post what book you got & if it works. I have read through Weissbluth but even he says that though with twins you should try gently at 6 weeks, you can't really sleep *train* until 4 months or so.

Holly said...

OMG! They are so beautiful! That picture is priceless.

Motel Manager said...

They are ADORABLE! Look at all that hair!

I was freaked out when my husband went back to work, but it ended up being oddly empowering. Sure, I'm glad when he's back at the end of the day, but being home alone with my son is nice as well and not nearly as scary as I had expected. I also have made dates with friends to come over and provide moral support/adult conversation as needed. I bet your friends are dying to come over anyway!

J-Le said...

that is a seriously cute photo!

Shannon said...

They are beautiful. That photo is adorable.

whatthef*ck said...

your daughters are gorgeous!! does it sound weird to hear "your daughters"?

on the topic of outie bellybuttons, did your babies get a gps monitoring thingy attached to their umbilical cord stump? mine did and it made her bellybutton hang out really far. now that the stump has fallen off she still has a MAJOR outie. i think the gps thing was so heavy it was pulling down on her. it sticks out realy far. my other kids didnt have the gps (y'know the global positioning staellite or whatever it means), just the clip. i'm a little concerned i have to say.

hows the bf going? i'm pulling out my pump today so i can try to get LS on a bottle. i dont dig the pump at all. hope things are going better for you. the arm pain sounds awful. i'm sure youve tried propping up your arm with pillows and not leaning over the babies. CANT FRIGGIN IMAGINE HAVING TWO BABIES. be sure to give yourself lots of credit, mama, you've been thru some seriously tough times.

Dis said...

They are absolutely adorable.

Eva said...

They are so adorable. I'm sure they'll grow into loving each other (hey, at this point, sucking on each other is the only way they know to express love).

I had that same reaction the first time I left the house (driving) alone. Everything seemed so fast and chaotic and overstimulating after months of house arrest.

I also had intense shoulder pain. A professional massage helped some. I used the EZ to Nurse twin nursing pillow, and in the beginning, I would always have pillows behind my back, and extra blankets under the babes' heads to keep them higher up. And tried to watch my posture, though it took a while to go away.

I read in one of our books to try to distinguish day & night for the babies. So, lots of sunlight and noise during the day (in the beginning, I think even at naptime) and as much darkness and quiet as you can at night. We did turn the light on for nighttime feedings and changes for a while but then we got used to doing it by a tiny nightlight and that helped a bit.

In sounds like you are doing a great job with these little girls!