Friday, March 16, 2007

The Evil C Word

Wow…lots of good comments on the name issue! It’s interesting to see the full spectrum of names and reasons why people pick those names. And stimulating to read the political angle too. If I were to be honest, I would have to say that I am guilty of being the evil C word: Complacent. I am pissed off at the lack of equality out there on so many levels (not just the gay/lesbian arena) and yet I don’t really ever do anything about it. Except vote and rant to people who feel the same way. And we all know that isn’t changing any laws.

But just because I have a female partner doesn’t mean I want to sacrifice my rights. And as I said before, these rights take on a whole new meaning as we embark on this child-rearing adventure together. I guess that is what parenthood is al about: Fine, I’ll suffer, but don’t you dare make my children suffer. But I don’t want any of us to suffer, frankly. I’m pretty old-fashioned when you get down to it. I want to be married. I want us to have the same last name (I’ll change my last name to Nicole’s so we four will have the same name). And I want the same rights as everyone else. When you think about it for a second, it is ridiculous that I should have less rights than other Americans just because of my female partner/wife/girlfriend, etc. And that makes America different from scary countries that deny its citizens basic human rights because…..?

And yes, after I am allowed to marry Nicole, I will divorce her, take her money (thanks, marriage laws, for giving me half of all assests and alimony because that is what true love is all about!) and marry a dog or some other domestic animal. Because that is the next logical step, right? If Nicole and I are given the right to marry, the next thing you know people are going to want to marry their parakeets.

My political anger has been so heightened lately. It really bothers me that Nicole is going to have to adopt her own children. It is annoying on so many levels: Morally, logistically and financially. Because there are two, this is an even bigger expense. We were told once that it is about 10K; with two it is about 15K. And because the salary cut off is low, there is no tax rebate for us.

And I was reminded by my politically-savvy friend Christy of this lovely nugget: If a married woman cheats on her husband and gets pregnant and even admits that the baby is not her husband’s, the husband is still the legal father because that child was born during their marriage. And then there is always this: When we were considering me carrying Nicole’s egg, we discovered that even though it is Nicole’s egg in my body, Nicole would STILL have to adopt the child that is biologically hers (but carried by me). It all is all so absurd and not fair and don’t even get me started on equality. I can’t think of any good reason why committed couples who would be married if they legally could can’t have the same rights as my friends who just sign a marriage license. I worry about things like what happens if I died during childbirth. Do the babies go into foster care? Would Nicole have to worry about coroners AND finding where her children are living? Would my mother swoop in as next of kin or something? Do we need to write up some sort of legal document until they are adopted that states that they belong to Nicole? What if something awful happened to me during the adoption process? Would that null and void the adoption? We really need to contact an attorney, and I have all these intentions, but it becomes so overwhelming that I just become that word again….complacent. Because we all know if I wait long enough, an attorney will intuit through vibes in the air that I need his/her services and show up at my doorstep.

In baby news, we can now see the babies moving from the outside a lot. All of the sudden, my stomach will just bulge because one of them is kicking or punching me from the inside. It started around last week but has become so much more obvious now. They are only about two pounds each….I can only imagine what it will feel like when they (hopefully) get bigger and stronger!

I have a doctor’s appointment on Monday and I can’t believe I haven’t been doing the countdown. I have been so busy with class work and contractors that I didn’t have time to worry. And that makes me worry that because I did relax a little, now something bad will be revealed. I look at my own ticker and am stunned that there are 93 days left (most likely minus at least two weeks). And I think—depending on which source you believe—I will enter the last trimester at 27w, which is Sunday (other say 28 weeks and some say 26 and a half weeks. Go figure). Despite my own awful fears and predictions, this pregnancy is moving along.

I want time to speed up and slow down. There I go again with my oxymoronic desires….

So much for spring. It is snowing out now and in the 30s. I think I’ll make a cake and try not to eat it all before Nicole gets home.

Pictured above is me in front of the White House that thinks I deserve less. Despite that, you can tell how respectful I am being from my posture. I never sit that straight (no pun intended). I really have the posture of a vulture. No wonder my back hurts so much.


bri said...

I have a wonderful attorney for you. He does wills and estates and will be doing ours soon (he's doing our real estate stuff). He's a lovely gay man and very knowledgeable. Let me know if you want his info.

Mama2BandT said...

Personally, my wife had documents in hand during delivery that indicated her as my power of attorney and guardian to the babe and soon to be babe. I agree w/ the thoughts that the rights we are denied are just insulting. What gets me is that (especially w/ her radical Christian, right wing family) I literally carry on me every day of my life my wife's power of attorney and other documents that "give" me the abilities that being legally married would...

K J and the kids said...

I have to cool that you are able to see them on the outside. Isn't it great.
Have you noticed that one will wake the other one up....kick or punch them. I've heard that boys fight more in-utero....I was interested about girls.

Oh, and P.S. How cool that you saw Molly Shannon. She is hilarious. That truly was a NY moment. She was GREAT on Will and Grace and Super Star (still one of my all time favorites) I can still picture her making out with the tree. ha ha

Dee said...

Shelly and I are in the situation of her carrying my eggs. I had to sign over all rights to my biological child and will now have to enter into a co-parenting agreement. The state of Utah doesn't allow same sex adoption. There is a great lawyer in the state that has come up with the co-parenting option. I think the entire process of having to adopt your own child is a load of crap! We actually meet with her, the lawyer, next week to begin the legal process so that we're all three protected as much as possible before Riley enters the outside world.

Can't wait to hear how the Monday appointment goes! And, hope you made the cake. Sounds yummy!