Double Pops

I am beginning to believe that those pops I feel really are moving babies. And now I feel awful; because I can’t remember when I first felt them. Doesn’t that make me a bad mother already? My list of offenses is getting long we better start a therapy fund for these kids. I asked my sister-in-law when she felt movement with my nephew and she said “Oh, I was on the train going to work. It was 7:15 on a Tuesday and I felt a pop. I was 17 weeks 2 days.” She practically remembers what she wore. Every detail of the seminal moment is etched in her brain. Me, I am looking through my own blog to see when I first mentioned it (Thursday, January 18th, when I was 18w4d). So that would most likely mean that I felt something the day before. But where or when, I couldn’t begin to say.

But whatever it is, it is getting more frequent. Last night was incredible. I came home from class around 9:00 and stayed up way after Nicole went to bed. I was laying on the couch trying to bore myself to sleep and it started: Lots and lots of little pops. First it was just Baby A, the overachiever in the movement department. And then Baby B made a rare and welcomed appearance. There was one moment when both kicked me at the same time! They stayed up till almost 1:00 a.m. with this little off-and-on popping. It was like they were having a party. It was unbelievable.

Then this morning I woke up early as usual. No pops. But right after I got up and went to the bathroom, and came back to lay down, the popping started again. Maybe I woke them up? I moved myself and my body pillow to the couch. When Nicole got up. I told her that the babies were up and moving around really late last night, which prompted Nicole to give them their first lecture. I rolled on my back so she could explain that we were early-to-bedders and early-to-risers and that they needed to start getting used to that schedule. She even quoted Ben Franklin. It was funny because when she was speaking, ALL popping stopped. But as soon as she finished and went inside, they started up again. I think we know who the disciplinarian in the family is.

I have probably packed on an extra 3 pounds drinking sugary drinks and eating Gummi Bears (excuses, excuses) and laying on my left side to see if the babies move. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. But every time it happens, it makes me feel so good. I can’t wait until Nicole can feel it from the outside, but I have a feeling that is going to be a while.

Emotions are still running rampant. Yesterday I heard Don Henley’s “The Heart of the Matter” in some store and the lyrics made me cry. How much more of this emotionality can I withstand? I haven’t heard that song in years and I certainly didn’t think much about the lyrics in the past. But, wow, those lyrics seem profound now. (“How can love survive in such a graceless age?”)

We have a birthday dinner tonight and will probably be going out to Long Island on Sunday. In their words, lots of distractions to get us a couple days closer to the next sonogram. Next week, the contractor is building the babies’ room. I am simultaneously over-the-moon and terrified. Nicole and I have talked a lot about how we are going to decorate the room (light, light pink walls, light green carpet and cherry cribs), and just thinking about it makes me excited. But then that old familiar terror sneaks back in.