Bumpy Ride

I made it…but it was rough. It was one of the roughest flights I have ever been on. It started with the pilot telling us there was a “maintenance issue” and that we would be airborne soon. That, of course, was enough o scare me into not staying on this flight. I made Nicole check with the flight attendant about turbulence (can you believe this?) and he assured her that the pilot would find a smooth spot for the ride down. Not quite. The turbulence started almost right away and didn’t end till we touched down in torrential rain in tornado-ridden, storm-riddled Florida.

I feel awful because I took an Ambien (on an empty stomach…one of the first times in my pregnancy that I haven’t felt ravenous) to help me relax. (But I will try Sophia’s suggestions for the trip back.) My doctor said it was okay for an emergency situation like this, but not to do it more than once or twice this pregnancy. I realize that another doctor might say something entirely different. Nicole researched it online and determined it was acceptable to take during pregnancy, but not regularly. Even still, I felt awful that I was subjecting these unborn babies to the Ambien-induced amnesia, craziness and lethargy and am haunted by the fact that there is maybe a tiny possibility that I took it at such a critical time that it causes damages to the babies. If the are still alive in there. Yet it seems like the stress I was under was worse than anything Ambien can do.

Seven long days till my next doctor appointment. It seems like forever away. We are going back to Northampton for New Year’s Eve, like we did last year and staying at the Northampton Inn, just like last year. And just like last year, I am pregnant. I was six weeks then, and already I was feeling ectopic pains. I remember hobbling around the hotel room, complaining about this pressure I felt that we chalked up to pregnancy. I was having difficulties sitting down and getting up, but we chalked it up to pregnancy pains as well. Now I look at that hotel and remember all that. Nicole thinks going there will create new and better memories. I hope she’s right. But I wonder…this pregnancy is filled with (pardon the bad analogy) its own turbulence. And sometimes I feel too distracted and too on edge to create new memories.

But first, I need to make it on the flight back to New York City on Friday…