Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Motorcycles, Missing Mommy and Celebrity Blogger Guests

Did I mention I was in a motorcycle accident? On the highway? Well, technically, we were on the off ramp to the LIE. I glanced in my rear view and noticed a motorcycle starting to skid out. Everything after that happened in slow motion. My instinct was to hit the brakes, but luckily I realized if I did that then the motorcycle rider would hit me faster. So I hit the accelator, and tried to swerve to the side. The rider hit us, but his bike was almost horizontal to the ground at that time, so when he hit us, he felt flying to the side, instead of through it or over it. It was awful. I pulled over and got out, just as several other cars did. Another motorcycle rider parked near me and helped too. Within two minutes there were two firetrucks and an ambulance. He was ok, thank God, and this was evidenced by the fact that he was concerned that I was waiting around to harass him about damage to my car. I wasn’t: There was no damage to my car. But it seemed poor form to ride off and leave the scene of an accident. And I did want t make sure he was okay.

The whole experience was horrifying. I was really shaken up, which, apparently, was noticed by the fire department, because kept sending strapping firemen over to me. I mean, my hands were shaking, but I thought I was quite calm, all things considered. This rider could have died. If he wasn’t wearing a helmet, I think he would have. And while it wasn’t my fault (he hit an oil slick, which the FDNY immediately covered with sand) it still is scary to think that people could die like that, so quickly and randomly, and not because of me, technically, but in a way because I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Thank goodness this incident had a happy ending for all.

Another happy ending: Nicole is home after a four-day birthday adventure with some friends. The girls missed her so much this time. Well, Avery did. I must say that this trip made me feel a little better about myself. When Nicole goes away, I miss her. Not just a little; a lot. Perhaps in a pathetic way. Who misses people that much? It’s not just her, it’s other people too. Like my friend Jen, who is in Italy still. But I always felt just this enormous Missing You theme was, well, pathetic. But now, now I see my daughter is afflicted with this as well. And when I see it in her, I don’t think of it as pathetic at all. It makes me feel a little better about myself.

Avery missed Nicole, and went through a range of emotions, which mirror mine in a way. But her’s played out in an adorable toddler way:

1. Denial: “Mommy is at work. Mommy is coming home soon.”
2. Anger: “Mommy is gonna be in so much trouble!”
3. Sadness: “Mommy left me. Mommy isn’t coming back!”
4. Despondence: “I need Mommy back. I want Mommy to come home now.”
5. Practical Thinking: “I want to call Mommy and say hi.”
6. Magical Thinking: “I need to take my fly boat and see Mommy now. She is going to be so excited.”

The thing is, I don’t show these emotion to the girls, necessarily. It’s not like I run around, tearing my hair out, clawing my face, screaming why why why. I suffer quietly. Not as quiet as Maddie; she misses Nicole in her own quiet way. Quite the opposite of Avery’s loud, messy, tangled Missing You emotions. But it is reassuring to realize that this is all genetic.

Of course, having an adorable houseguest and his mom staying with us helped distract all of us from the missing Mommy. Calliope was here while she was in town for the BlogHer conference. We were honored to host such a big blogging celebrity! Perhaps I will become famous by association. Time will tell.

Pictured above, scene of the accident. And the tee shirt that Nicole brought home for the girls. They each have one. I had at least ten people comment to me on the street about them.

1 comment:

K J and the kids said...

How scary is that. I'm SO glad that nobody was seriously hurt including you.

I'm very proud of you for handling Nicole being away :)

The good thing about your daughter having some of the same characteristics can give her the tools to get through them with all of your experience.