Tuesday, January 19, 2010

A Couple Reasons Wy I'm In a Bad Mood

I am kinda tired of seeing earthquake survivors on TV announce to the world that they survived because God wanted them to. Riiiiiight. And he really wanted to wipe out those other 200,000 people. They all deserved to die? Was their painful deaths on top of God’s To Do list that day? I am not denying the miraculous survivals of some of these people, and I am not trying to say that they can’t have their own faith and, yes, there but for the grace of God goes I as well, but I just think these “God saved me” announcements must really sting those who lost loved ones.

Yes, people are looting and shooting and beating now. And I would too, in a New York minute, if I were in a situation like that and needed to feed my daughters. Or get them health care. I might go to any lengths necessary to get my children medical attention if they were on the verge of death, God forbid. How judgmental the world can be. And there is nothing like a disaster to bring out all the self-serving, look-at-me people.

I was listening to some talk radio program this weekend and I heard a really interesting discussion about disasters like this. The radio man (don’t know who he is) said that his uncle, who was in the military and specialized in disaster planning, told him that if ever something catastrophic occurs, like this earthquake or something like a nuclear attack, there are two things you must do. The first: Do not gather where the government tells you to gather. Yes, a military man said don’t listen to Uncle Sam. You can go your own way, as the song says. And, two, you have 72 hours to get out of town. The reason is this: In the first 24 hours, everyone is so nice and helpful and generous. By the second day, looters emerge, and gangs begin to form. By day three, gangs are running amok and anarchy rules. Again, this is in the event of a HUGE disaster, like a nuclear attack or a terrorist attack that affects more than just two towers in the city. Interesting advice.

If I ran the world, this is what I would make happen: We would make Haiti a Perfect Nation. A model country, if you will. Completely raze Port au Prince and create a green city, with parks and trees and gardens and recycling centers and humane housing for the poor and medical clinics for the sick and staffed and stocked orphanages for the children. Try to create an industry so this country would have something to export. Build playgrounds and schools (in that order) and museums and some tourist attractions. The best and brightest in every field would help create this new and improved city. New infrastructure. New policies. New everything. Most of all, new architecture: I read that when California experienced a 7.1 magnitude quake (which is TWICE the magnitude of Haiti’s 7.0) 200 died, as opposed to 200,000 And this was in a city of 2 million. The difference: Buildings in California are built to specific earthquake codes. Not so in Haiti. How awful hat so many people died because the nation is too poor to build to code.

Can you tell I’m in a bad mood?

I am also in desperate need of sleeping advice. We have been lucky thus far with naps and nighttimes: Daily two-hour naps and 7:00 p.m. bedtimes, sleeping 12 or 13 hours every night. But that has come to a screeching stop. About a month again, Madeline absolutely refused to go to bed at night in her crib. She does naps in her crib fine, and plays in it during the day, but when night comes, she screams for HOURS. And she does this in the city and in Massachusetts. She literally starts shaking when we say “OK ladies, it’s time for night-night.” Of course, we handled it all wrong: Tried to let her cry it out; did a modified Ferber method; brought her into or bed; slept with her on the couch; sat in her room holding her hand or rubbing her tummy for an hour or so. Every night, a new plan. Talk about unstable. What do we do? Does this mean she needs a twin bed? Did she have a nightmare and now is afraid to sleep at night? We tried leaving doors open and adding nightlights. Everything. I am at my wit’s end, because now my day, which usually ends with two hours or so of quiet time for me to work, relax and chill out, is now occupied with this non-sleeping paradigm. Any advice at all? Please help us! Please! I don’t think I can survive another night of hearing Madeline scream “Momma where did you go?”

And now, to lighten the mood, a few random bullets:

• Avery and Madeline got a tool kit for Christmas and they love it. They know their wrenches and screwdrivers and hammers and saws. I think our next toy for them might be a workbench.

• When I offer Avery two choices, she used to pick one. So I would say “Do you want applesauce or yogurt?” She would always pick one. Now she will say “No either.” We are in trouble!

• I am in a media heaven. I am reading two great books (Game Change and The Privileges) and enjoying the end of season one of Big Love. Life is sweeter when you are reading a good book and watching a great show.

Pictured above: Avery looks so chic in sunglasses! Also, I took Maddie on her first Momma/Maddie date this weekend. We went for ice cream at Herrell’s in Northampton. She is a very different child when she is alone and not under the spotlight/glare of her sister. She talked more, explored more, and showed little snippets of a personality I don’t see much when they are a dynamic duo. I have a feeling Avery will be the same. I really want to try to add more alone time dates with both of them, as well as with Nicole. Also pictured, the new furniture came. Avery proved how comfy the new couch is by promptly drifting into a soft slumber after sitting on it for a few minutes. And Madeline seems to think snow is a beach. All she needs is a frothy drink and a beach blanket.


K J and the kids said...

I have said this with every aspect of religious people. If they pray for their loved ones to get better and they do...it's because they prayed. if they don't get better and die.....it's the will of god.
As long as you feel better about it.

Ok....so if you are supposed to leave town....where do you go ? Wouldn't you then find yourself in someone else's town with someone else's looters ?

Sleep. ah girl. You will probably be dealing with sleep issues for EVAH. No. not really.

Are you thinking of putting them in big girl beds soon ? Maybe make it a special thing. Something for her to look forward to.
You just keep doing what you can to get through it. I think that if you can stick to a routine. and stay with it. That's the best you can do.
It may mean that you rub her back and hold her hand for 3 hours for several nights. but she will soon get it.
You can lay with her if you get her a big girl bed. (I'm only suggesting this because I know you don't like the CIO method)
I just know that with everything...this too shall pass)

Pray about it. If she still won't go to bed in a week. It is God's will that she stay up. KIDDING. KIDDING.

Anonymous said...

Bed time I think is one of the roughest things to tackle with little ones. You are lucky mommies to have them still taking 2 hour naps and sleeping that long at night. My daughter stopped taking naps at 18 months. Refused to go to sleep during the day, I could get her to lie down for an hour but very rarely would she give in to the zzzzzz’s. Everyone said it was because I let her sleep to late in the morning. I was a stay at home mom, and just let her wake when she wanted to. I tried waking her up early just to find her 30 minutes later asleep on the floor in her bedroom. She would sleep for about an hour and wake up at her usual time. I figured that was crazy as it meant I lost my morning time and just went back to letting her wake up when her “clock” was ready.

But I tell you if there was one thing I would do different it would be, laying with my daughter for any amount of time. The 10 minute back rub will take on a life of its own, and soon you’ll be in there for an hour or more, rubbing her back, singing softly, etc. until she goes to sleep.

At first it was just so cute….I LOVED it. But as the years went on….I thought she would grow out of it…but nope, that time turned into talking about the day, talking about tomorrow, whatever. And that was cute to…but when they are 9 or 10 and you still can’t get them to go to bed without you or Nicole in their room rubbing their backs and talking, it really becomes a problem. It got so bad that I would end up falling asleep in her bed with her, and never having any adult time of my own.

I’m not sure what the secret is…..if I knew I’d write a book and be famous and rich! :O). Good luck…..but what ever you decide make sure it is something you can live with for the long haul. L

psapph0 said...

Would taking off that front panel on the bed (see how much I"ve learned?) help? Maybe unscrew it and let HER take it off? Would that make her any less adverse to the bed... if it was more accessible?

You could always do what my parents used to do... drug her! (My parents fed us cold tylenol in the evenings when they got sick of us. We'd be too weak and tired to protest)

Hope said...

Maybe it's time for toddler beds? A trip to Ikea, and let them pick out the big girl beds themselves? They've got some nice ones that aren't too expensive & are nice and colorful.

K J and the kids said...

ummm, to go along with annonymous. I lay with Syd and talk about her day and we sometimes build amazing houses together. ya. see what I started. DON'T DO IT. and now I'm scared that I'm going to be doing this when she's 10. FUCK !

Rebecca said...

I wonder too about needing a proper bed. We moved Rhett to a mattress on the floor about two months ago and he loves it. He is practically the exact same age as your two.

Don't get me started on Big Love! Best show ever! I am almost at the end of season three and lack cable. Ack.

ms.bri said...

Yeah, I think if you are having so many sleep issues, you might as well try the bed now. That way you can go all Supernanny and just do the Walk Back To Bed thing over and over. Unless you want to lay down with her. Not my own cup of tea but others seem to enjoy it. But either way, the bed will mean she can take control over getting in (and out, unfortunately). There are cute beds at Ikea. It might be worth the toddler bed thing to have more space right now. Or try toddler beds here and twin beds in NoHo!

When we offer Beck two choices, he says, "NO, NUFFING." Nothing. Lovely.

Malea said...

Nicole seems like a no nonsense type of woman. A few of her suggestions in the past i agreed with,because simply put kids need boundaries and discipline and any other pushover methods seem to do nothing but cause long term problems down the road.

NO one likes the CIO method,but when you screwed up sometimes that the only way to fix it. I would even suggest getting an experienced nanny on the scene to get things back on track and help with future questions of what to do.With the economy as it is you should be able to get one with excellent references and lower than normal pay.

People always say that parents make all the mistakes on the first born and it make sense.And I've seen it. You're trying what you THINK will produce the adult you'd want to claim as your kid,but why not save your self some grief and use tried and true methods that HAVE worked for others.

The proof is in the pudding!

Andrea said...

RE: the military man's post-disaster advice - have you read The Road by Cormac McCarthy? I just finished it and while not exactly uplifting, it was an interesting look into a post-apocalyptic scenario. There were not just looters, but roving gangs that hunted people for food because there was none.