And Then I Start Thinking....

I don’t know where the energy came from, but at 9:30 tonight I dragged myself off the couch, took off my pajamas and put my clothes back on and went to see a 10 p.m. movie. It was Frozen River, and it was fantastic. Grim and sad and cold and bleak but so amazing. The lead actress, Melissa Leo, will get a Oscar nomination for certain. It was one of those movies that you watch and think how lucky you are to not be the people in the film. There was one scene that was so chilling and horrifying that I almost walked out of the movie because I didn’t think I could take it, emotionally. It was that powerful.

Now I am back home, in my pajamas and back on the couch and I can’t sleep. I think it is in part because Leif and Skye are on a plane right now, finishing up hour 10 of a 12 hour flight to Hong Kong. Because I am such a ridiculous flyer now, I can’t relax until I know loved ones have landed. I make Nicole text me as soon as the plane touches down. But Mina and Keith and the kids don’t land until around 3:00 a.m. our time, which is either tomorrow in Hong Kong or yesterday in Hong Kong; I can never keep it straight. So I am in this state of suspension, between tired and needing to sleep and worried and needing to track the flight.

I’m also preoccupied with wedding thoughts. I can’t even imagine how distracted I would be if I were planning a huge event with 200 people and as forced to select appetizers for a cocktail hour. I emailed a Justice of the Peace but turns out she moved down South. She recommended another, who I have emailed, but have yet to hear from. Enter those old impatient feelings. I just want everything set in stone. Yesterday. Before an addendum happens or the governor changes his mind or Mitt Romney some how comes back to Massachusetts and reinstate that 1913 provision.

I loved the suggestion of Atkins Farm, and love the idea of being married in an apple orchard, even if it is post apple picking season. It really is symbolic and perfect. Nicole and I go apple picking every year, a tradition we started the first year we were together. I love apples; I eat two a day. We live in the Big Apple. I like most apple products. I love apple trees.

And I like the idea of Kerry Lynn the Massachusetts Photographer. I really wanted to tale pictures but wondered how that would work, sine Nicole or I need to get the shots. Then I start thinking if someone is taking pictures, then shouldn’t we do it in the evening, when the light is better? Not quite evening but rather in the gloaming. Or in the crepuscular light (I love that our language has specific words for the lighting I mean). Or better yet, in the early morning light. Wouldn’t that be great? Sunrise on an apple orchard? This is when my head starts to spin.

And I still can’t sleep.

So I think of Leif and Skye on a plane and wonder how they are doing.

And then I think about Frozen River again, and how the mother was giving her kids popcorn and Tang for dinner because she didn’t get paid till Friday.

And then I think about how I asked the girls if they wanted to go for a walk today and Avery shook her head yes. So enthusiastically.

And then I think how Avery shook her head no, also enthusiastically, about 15 times when I was offering her lunch items. “Chicken? Red grapes? Green grapes? Purple grapes? Cookie? Bread? Broccoli? Cheese?” I do have a tolerance for her pickiness, since I am picky myself. As long as her little thighs stay chunky and her belly sticks out and there are fold of baby fat on her, I will be calm about pickiness.

And I think about how Madeline walks around all day saying “Mmmmmmoommmm” and “mmmmmaaaaaammmmmmma” and various permutations of the word Momma and Mom and how I love love love that that is the soundtrack of my day.

And then I think about how Nicole came home from work and realized she couldn’t find her wallet, so she called someone at work to have them check her office and it wasn’t there. And instead of panicking I merely went to her bag, looked through the pockets and found it and brought it to her. Because while Nicole is many things, she is not a very good looker of things. But we all can’t be perfect, can we? I will still take her to be my lawfully wedded wife.

And then I think how much I love this city, about how alive it was on my midnight walk home.

And then To Do lists start popping into my head….

Pictured above, Mina and Skye and Leif heading to the airport. The picture was sent from Mina’s iPhone, which makes me very very jealous. My iPhone envy has ramped up considerably. If only they had a Verizon package. Below that, the girls in their Double Wide. I have been bjoring one and strolling the other, but the past couple of days (ever since I slammed my shoulder blade into a drawer) I needed to give my back a break and push them both instead.