When Not Having a Glimmer is a Good Thing

Thanks for all of the sweet comments! I am definitely excited, for many reasons, not the least of which is the idea that there is something that I can plan. I am a happy planner, and I look forward to each and every step of the paperwork, hassle and itinerary that I need to work through.

Technically, this is not the first time Nicole proposed. Several years ago (five?), she pulled out two platinum bands and asked me to spend every eve of Christmas eve with her for the rest of our lives, appropriately, under our Christmas tree on the eve of Christmas eve. And even before that, we knew this was a forever thing. From the very beginning, we approached our relationship with the attitude that this is forever, or we are not going forward, which isn’t for everyone but it works for both of us. I have to say it wasn’t even a leap of faith to make that promise. There was just something so solid between us that felt strong and real and safe and impenetrable. I remember the first time that she told me she loved me and I remember the second time she told me too. I remember the first panic attack I had, when my heart was racing and I couldn’t catch my breath, because I though What if we don’t work out? I remember when we first started talking about having a family and I remember the night I came to bed and sat next to her and said that yes, I think I did need to try to have a baby with her. It all seems so long ago and yet like just yesterday. And the fact that she likes to make my every wish and dream come true is just the icing on the cake!

Something learned: If you marry in California and then want to divorce, one of you needs to be a resident of California for at least a year before you can divorce. What a hassle. I skim those parts because I am cocky and confident that that will ever be us. Famous last words, right? But I do feel immune from that. I have asked divorced friends if they knew, when they were getting married, that this might be a mistake, that this might not be the right person for them, and they all admitted that yes, there was a glimmer of “this isn’t right.” I had the same glimmer in my last relationship before Nicole. I wonder if any of you with relationships that ended had the glimmer too. I get how one might have that glimmer and then proceed, because hope does spring eternal, after all. I don’t have that glimmer at all, which makes me feel even more resolute in my choices.

It is disconcerting to day that I am still sick. I have a cough I can’t shake and a lethargy I can’t deny. This is the second day in a row of skipped gym. I have collapsed in bed each night really early, exhausted and congested. My cough kind of rattles a little and I keep thinking maybe it is getting better but then it seems not so much. I know I should go to the doctor, but then I think why not just take a round of antibiotics and call it a day? Getting all the way across town to see my doctor is such an event.

I am entering Concert Season. We are seeing Melissa Etheridge tomorrow, George Michael next week and I might be seeing Billy Joel with my brother and Mina the following week. To think I have been fans of all three performers for over 20 years. Now I feel old. But not as old as I will feel when I take my niece to see the Jonas Brothers in August.

On a side note, I continue my run as the World’s Worst Blog Commenter. I have not made a single comment in, oh, three months maybe. Please know that I am reading and following and celebrating and lamenting and commiserating and sharing in all of your stories. And you bloggers with password protected posts are my bane! (You know who you are!) I can’t even manage to email for the password!

Pictured above, the ring. I am trying to get a picture of it on my hand, but holing my heavy camera to shoot it is hard and my hand always comes out looking like an old witch's gnarled hand. Also pictured, my little ladies. Avery seems to be test driving a new smile. I love that they get milk spray on their faces when they tip the bottles into their mouths!