Objective: I Don't Want to be a Dictator or a Fool

So my cold/sinus thing goes on and on and on and now Nicole has it too. We both sound like we have been crying all night. On the bright side, we get to compare sinus pressure vs. sinus pain (I have pressure; she has pain) and have tossing-and-turning-at-night contests. Then on Wednesday, Avery decided to get a fever. I think this is the reaction to the shots she had last week. I know, it makes no sense, but my doctor warned that any reaction to the shots that the girls got at their one-year appointment would manifest seven to ten days after the shot, and today is Day Eight. She was ultra cuddly and wanted to be held, and Madeline was an angel, letting me dote on a sickly Avery without demanding attention as well.

The rest of the time I parented from a prone position, which is protocol when I don’t feel well. So I lay on the couch or on the floor, surrounded by pillows, and basically just make sure the girls don’t put their fingers into electrical sockets or bite each other. Anything else was fair game. It is hard to be engaging when you feel like crap. Even though I felt awful, I can’t help but to think how far I have come: Nicole left before the girls were up and didn’t get home until after 7:00. So I took care of the girls all day and night; three meals; a ton of diapers; a feverish and unhappy Avery; and got them to bed, all with no major meltdowns/breakdowns on my part. This is a coup. I can’t quite pinpoint when it happened, but this is all getting much easier. We are far from the days when I used to call Nicole on the phone at work, crying and overwhelmed. Thank goodness.

The control issue…. I ended up buying that bag of pretzels after all and said to myself that I can handle having them in my home and not inhaling the entire bag in one sitting. So I have been (and this may sound crazy) eating two pretzels a day. Just two. I may up it to three. Call it an exercise in control. I am trying to get control under control, which requires control. So the way I must control control is to use control? It’s a riddle. I am proud of the fact that I have been able to do the two-pretzels a day thing. I know it seems silly, but baby steps and all.

I kind of reminds me of this great quote from Bruce Barcott, in his review of David Guterson’s new book: “Wisdom isn’t the embrace of everything we rejected at 19. It’s the understanding that absolutes are for dictators and fools.” How great is that quote? I don’t want to be a dictator or a fool.

His review of Guterson’s book was great. I think I may buy it tomorrow. I need to wash the taste of Sail (James Paterson) out of my mouth. What can I say: I wanted a quick, suspenseful read, and it was Number One on the BN.com bestseller list before Tim Russert’s books edged it down. Plus I am a sucker for any books with boats, a talisman of my living-on-a-boat days. I feel all special when I can understand boaty things like through-hull fittings and SeaTow. The book promised twists and turns and suspense. But it was awful. First of all, all twists and turns were almost cartoonish. You could guess the twists and turns, sort of like how you can in a Scooby Doo episode. Really? He’s a bad guy? Didn’t say THAT coming. (Get a sponge to mop up the sarcasm). Second of all, it was 125 chapters, or something like that, but each chapter was a mere two pages, sometimes three. So one scene would be chopped up into eight chapters. It made skimming quite easy. In fact, so easy that I finished the book in two days, over two nights in bed and one afternoon while I lay on the couch resting while the girls napped. I skipped a lot, because once, for example, I could ascertain that a chapter was about, say, an extramarital affair, I could move on. And I did.

Wednesday was also my sister-in-law’s birthday and when I called her, I made some joke about getting older. They were on their way to dinner, and I could hear Leif and Skye in the background, and she said she was happy. She said that she is grateful to be alive and healthy and getting older should be something to celebrate. This is how she has felt since her mom died. What a great perspective. It makes complete sense. I can guarantee that on my death bed, I will flash back and think about those days when I lamented getting older and I will feel like a fool. It really is a gift, health.

I think yesterday was a full moon. Anyone have crazy stories?

Psappho, if you are reading this, can you explain to us why we can’t get married in Massachusetts? Why do we have to go all the way out to California when Mass is just a few states away? Do we need residency?

Pictured above, this is how Miss Avery wanted to spend the day. So cute, but I feel sorry for my feverish baby. I sent these pictures to Mommy at work, hence the “see hat I mean?” look on my face. Is that mean?! Also, I kinda look like a frog.