Who Me, Obsessed?

So my doctor gave me a lot to think about yesterday. She is very, very, very thorough. She noticed a little red mark near my toe and investigated it, so serious. What is this? When did it happen? How long has it looked like this? And it was just a blister, caused by flip flops. She was very concerned, offering me a band aid to prevent infection. She examined scratches all over my body (the girls’ nails, which I can never seem to cut into anything that doesn’t resemble/feel like little knives). And, this is the best part, she noticed little bumps which she thinks might be roseola. I had no idea adults could get roseola, but somehow am not surprised that I may get it. I’ll probably start teething next.

I spoke about my dizziness and she determined that I am dehydrated. This could very well be true, as I scaled back on my water consumption purposely (in hopes of needing less bathroom trips when I am out and about…have I mentioned how much I hate public bathrooms?). Also, I forgot that Lexapro dehydrates and coffee sucks the liquid out of us as well. And water, no matter how much you drink, won’t stick unless you have salt in your body or a sugary or electrolyte drink, like Gatorade or Pedialyte. Who knew? I drink about three cups of coffee in the morning, then switch to water and that is all I drink all day. No juice or milk or Gatorade or anything. Which is all running right through me and not doing its hydration job.

Another interesting tidbit I learned recently: Did you know, as a general rule, the smaller the fruit, the more nutriuos it is? Makes sense, if you think bout how things like watermelon and pineapple and almost nutrient-free, whereas blueberries and raspberries and amazing for you. It makes me look at the fruit section in a whole new way.

OK, so then my doctor started talking about my gym routine. I told her I go every day and take one day off a week. I am quite proud of this, as this is an accomplishment for me, but she was startled. She asked what happens when if I miss an extra day. I say that doesn’t happen. She pressed: But what if it did? But it WON’T, I insist. And IF it did, what would happen? Well, I said, it would be a hard day. I would have less energy and feel, I don’t know, disappointed.

Her: Why do you feels this need to go to the gym every day?
Me: It’s not a NEED per se, it’s more like something I look forward to.
Her: So why do you go every day?
Me: Well, it’s my time. It the only just-me time of the day.
Her: And what else?
Me: (really thinking here) Well, I also respond well to the whole endorphin thing. It gives me a rush. I know that seems cliché but it is true with me.
Her: And what else?
Me: Energy? It gives me energy? To deal with two babies all day? (At this point I could tell see had an answer in mind and I obviously wasn’t giving it).
Her: And?
Me: (Flustered) I…. don’t….know… I just enjoy it. (I really do.)

The conversation ended with my doctor disappointed. She thinks, I can tell, that I am obsessed. In a bad way. And she is disappointed that Lexapro didn’t “calm it down,” as she says. I get where she is coming from, and I know I have issues with organization and control, but I am not sure I would want my life any other way. Meaning, I am never going to wake up in the morning and say, “Let’s see where the day takes us! I am gonna go with the flow today!” That will ever be me. And a lot of people are like that. I am not sure we all need drugs to make us not like that. I am always going to want organization and consistency. I’m not sure that is so bad.

That said, I do think that I suffer a bit from the extreme end of this spectrum. I have already written about my incessant need for order with the girls and how this sometimes makes it hard for me to take the girls on the road, literally. I don’t know. I’m still looking for balance, I guess. I wanted to tell her how in my 20s I would count calories obsessively and go to the gym twice a day sometimes. Or how I would punish myself and not eat if I thought I ate too much earlier. Or how cigarettes and beer substituted as dinner for about, oh, a decade. So going to the gym and running six days a week and doing it because I look forward to it and because I truly and sincerely want to is a huge accomplishment. I am not the type of person who dreads the gym. I love it.

It’s official. Avery has roseola. She woke with a rash all over her little body. Lots and lots of red bumps, on her tummy and back and face and arms. Thank goodness it doesn’t itch. Madeline has been clammy all day, but not feverish quite yet. You can tell what kind of day Maddie is having by looking at her hair. The curlier her hair is, the crazier her day was. When she works herself up in a frenzy (stealing Avery’s toys; collecting and hiding pacifiers; banging wood toys on wood floors) she gets all baby-sweaty (more like a dampness) and her hair curls right up, all soft and flowy like cotton candy.

Today it was positively kinky. Madeline is being a mini devil, but, I must say, in an adorable way. Avery just wants to chill and be held but Madeline terrorized her all day. Madeline came over to her and whacked her on the head for no reason and started laughing. She took every toy Avery had, and played with it with vim and vigor, going so far as to almost taunt Avery with it. And then she spent the rest of the day crawling around with not one, not two but THREE pacifiers. I was just trying to keep it together on this rainy, no-outside-walks day.

And Blue Pearl, alas, that was not me. I am on the west side of NYC but I was not up in the 160s at all. So the mystery of who was calling my name remains unsolved.

Pictured above, don’t be fooled by that angel face. Below that, Miss Avery and some of her face splotches. Most of the roseola bumps are on her tummy and back, so far. And below that, Madeline moving in on Avery’s toy.