Friday, May 16, 2008

It’s My Imaginary [Wedding] Party And I’ll Plan It If I Want To *Updated


Maybe I am jaded but I am just not overly excited the California same-sex marriage ruling. It always seems progress like this is made, but there is some catch or amendment or referendum lurking in the background that could potentially undo everything. Exactly how long will this ruling apply? And really how does it affect me in New York? If I marry in California, New York won’t recognize it, right? I can’ keep it all straight (no pun intended). Psappho, the knower of All Things Gay marriage, must come out of the woodwork and clear things up for me.

But it is progress. A predominantly Republican Supreme Court ruled 4 to 3 to strike down the ban. Wow. And the Terminator Governor said he would respect the ruling. Wow. People I California can get married in 29 days. Wow.

It would be fantastic if this would somehow trickle to New York. Dare I dream? Because even though I know better, I think about a wedding. Don’t most girls dream of a wedding day? Not all, but most? I still flip through the new issues of Martha Stewart weddings. When I can’t sleep at night I sometimes plan our imaginary day/night. While I love the idea of a big, formal wedding, we would never do that. I want something more celebratory and casual, with hints of tradition. I have my bridal party picked out (they can pick out their own outfits in whatever colors they want). I envision the girls in it now, in little poufy dresses and maybe barrettes in their hair. A beach, a clambake, handmade little souvenirs. The four of us dancing a “first dance.” There are lots of children there. It smells like bonfire and ocean. Then there is the fall celebration. And the girls are in red and orange dresses, like little leaves. There is hearty food, like mashed potatoes and chicken in some sort of creamy sauce. And little souvenirs like maple syrup and pancake mixes tied in fall-colored bows. It comforts me to imagine these things.

Beyond all that, of course, is the emotional component. I want that piece of paper. It doesn’t change our relationship emotionally, but it makes a difference for me. And, of course, I want the same rights, because who knows when I need to pull out that I-can’t-testify-against-my-spouse card? Bonus: It solves the issue of what-do-we-call-each-other.

Pictured above, me in a bridal party. As much as I would love something like this, I know a huge thing like this is not in my future. I am glad I got to experience something like this, though. I wonder if people can pick me out of the crowd. i am wearing so much makeup I barely recognize myself! I am so tan. Those were the days. Also, can you pick out the bridesmaid who is pregnant with twins?

*Updated to Add: Psappho's Comment. No one can explain rights/rules/laws and such like she does:

OK, so, as I understand it, here is what can/might happen in CA:

One month from now, queers can start getting married in CA IF...

1. The court doesn't stay the decision. The court has already been asked to stay the decision, meaning that it puts a hold on the enforcement of the decision, until the end of June when...

2. Conservative and religious groups prove that they have collected enough signatures to put a State Constitutional Amendment banning gay marriage on the November ballot. At present, it is believed that they did manage to collect enough signatures, but the petitions are being gone over by the court. If they failed to collect the signatures, then the court would be able to put aside the stay and enforce the decision.

If they do have enough signatures, the Amendment will be put on the CA ballot in November, and it is likely to pass.

Things get more interesting if the state of CA DOESN'T stay the decision and allows people to begin marrying but DOES decide that there are enough signatures on the petition. Then, if a vote in November added an Amendment, there would be the question of what happens to all of the marriages that took place from June- November.

Of course, if the issue goes to vote and fails, then people can begin marrying in November, I think.

Also, with respect to New York, there are some municipalities within the state which honor a marriage from someplace else (Nyack and Ithaca are two), but, as a whole, the State of New York will consider a "gay marriage" from someplace else to be equal to a domestic partnership in the state of NY, and DON'T get me started on that (for more information, feel free to visit my own blogspot blog!) So yes, you could hop over to CA from NY, get married and bring it back to NY and admire your pretty piece of paper, but, if you already have a domestic partnership, it's kind of redundant (and not a very fuel efficent way of getting one if you don't already have one).

It could also happen that, even if CA does go or marriage equality, the Powers That Be dig up an old law, like the 1913 law in MA, saying that you can only get married in CA if your home state will recognize your marriage (which is why, at present, only gay people from Rhode Island and MA can get married in MA.)

Whew. So. Yeah. To top this all off, I have two weddings to attend this summer... all people who have been in their relationships for a shorter period of time than I have but, what the hell. They've promised to come to my retirement-home wedding some day. Guess that will have to do for now.

5 comments:

Jess said...

I am so envious of those in California. Of course, I don't want to live there but I want to get married too!!!

I read your post on mothers day and it made me cry. I am so amazed at what people go through to get pregnant. I did IUIs for one year and one IVF cycle and thought I was going to die. Luckily, my partner is more fertile. Is it not amazing how many of us "bad [gay] parents" work so hard to have babies and then take such good care of them? It really is amazing that we can't all get married!

Audra said...

It really is a great time here in California! As soon as those days are up, we are going to be getting that beloved piece of paper. we've already had the commitment ceremony, but wow- to actually be legal and have the same rights! I couldn't help but cry when I found out the news.

Homestead Mom said...

From here in upstate NY, when I heard on NPR that CA had passed the right to marry. I initially teared up with excitement and hope, but quickly countered with the same thought you had, which is that it could be blocked soon. We'll see. I called my partner and fantasized about a nice ceremony on Muir Beach next summer with the added bonus of few family members being able to attend that far away. Sigh. I have hope that NY will get its collective mind right in my lifetime, but clearly we aren't holding our breath.

psapph0 said...

OK, so, as I understand it, here is what can/might happen in CA:

One month from now, queers can start getting married in CA IF...

1. The court doesn't stay the decision. The court has already been asked to stay the decision, meaning that it puts a hold on the enforcement of the decision, until the end of June when...

2. Conservative and religious groups prove that they have collected enough signatures to put a State Constitutional Amendment banning gay marriage on the November ballot. At present, it is believed that they did manage to collect enough signatures, but the petitions are being gone over by the court. If they failed to collect the signatures, then the court would be able to put aside the stay and enforce the decision.

If they do have enough signatures, the Amendment will be put on the CA ballot in November, and it is likely to pass.

Things get more interesting if the state of CA DOESN'T stay the decision and allows people to begin marrying but DOES decide that there are enough signatures on the petition. Then, if a vote in November added an Amendment, there would be the question of what happens to all of the marriages that took place from June- November.

Of course, if the issue goes to vote and fails, then people can begin marrying in November, I think.

Also, with respect to New York, there are some municipalities within the state which honor a marriage from someplace else (Nyack and Ithaca are two), but, as a whole, the State of New York will consider a "gay marriage" from someplace else to be equal to a domestic partnership in the state of NY, and DON'T get me started on that (for more information, feel free to visit my own blogspot blog!) So yes, you could hop over to CA from NY, get married and bring it back to NY and admire your pretty piece of paper, but, if you already have a domestic partnership, it's kind of redundant (and not a very fuel efficent way of getting one if you don't already have one).

It could also happen that, even if CA does go or marriage equality, the Powers That Be dig up an old law, like the 1913 law in MA, saying that you can only get married in CA if your home state will recognize your marriage (which is why, at present, only gay people from Rhode Island and MA can get married in MA.)

Whew. So. Yeah. To top this all off, I have two weddings to attend this summer... all people who have been in their relationships for a shorter period of time than I have but, what they hell. They've promised to come to my retirement-home wedding some day. Guess that will have to do for now.

neeekeee said...

You never know... here in Massachusetts we were lucky to have a long process before something can go on the ballot. We went to the state house time and time and time again after gay marriage was legalized to protest and talk to state legislators, who had to approve the language of any ballot initiative. Last year they voted down the kind of referendum/ballot initiative that the folks in CA are trying to do by a ridiculous margin and the Focus on Family folks packe their bags. It could happen. And maybe, maybe we'll get someone in the white house who will actually overturn the federal DOMA, which would supercede Mitt Romney's fucked up interpretation of the 1913 law.