Monday, March 24, 2008

Secrets II: Maybe I Shouldn’t Be Telling The Story About the Chick at the Pool Table, But Here's The Info on My Night Table


Thanks to cheating governors and presidents, cheating is in the spotlight. I am so curious about this. Statistics says that 50 to 75 percent of men have cheated or will cheat on their spouse (holy crap!). Only 14 percent of women have affairs (bodes well for the ladies with ladies). I have a few friends who have cheated, but are still happily married, and their husbands don’t know a thing. So many cheat and then keep it secret. While others cheat and tell a friend but never the victim. I put a poll up because I am curious. I kinda feel like it will be a cheaters’ landslide. And since it is anonymous, we can all admit it without fear of getting caught.

We need another secrets post. So I can finish stories like this next one:

Yes, I have cheated, and no, not on Nicole. And then there is the “Does this qualify as cheating?” situations. Once, in my last relationship, we were playing pool with some friends and a woman came over and asked if she could join. We said sure, so she got her stick and started shadowing me around. She started flirting (asking these coy questions, looking me up and down, complimenting my awful shots, brushing up against me and apologizing with an oops and an eye lock) and her flirting was so overt that two of our friends with us pulled me aside and said “She is totally into you. She wants a three way with you and D. Go for it!” That night we were staying at our friends’ apartment and they completely condoned a three-person sleepover. I went back to the table and then gave up after she did that move where she leans over the table on top of you, brushing certain body parts onto certain other body parts, to show you how to set up the shot. I needed breathing space so I went to the Ladies’ Room and Poolstick McMakingAdvancesAlot followed me there. I guess I should stop this story here.

Because everyone is DYING for the latest meme! Here’s the nightstand meme:

My nightstand: There are two stacks of books, which include the following books: The Logic Of Life; History of Language; Parched; The Second Nine Months, Wild Trees; Life Doesn’t Begin 5 Pounds From Now; No Cry Potty Training Solution; Non Marathoners Marathon Trainers Guide. Each one, non fiction or a biography. Wow, what an insight into who I am right now! Also on the stand, a tube of Aquaphor (dry skin), Aromatherapy smelling beads in delicious eucalyptus/mint smell (a few tokes of that and I am nice and relaxed), our land line (rarely use), a picture of my nephew (so cute) and my personalized tissue box cover, which I made in a crafty streak after five years ago. If you really want to see interesting, we should open the drawer and snap pictures of what’s inside. No alarm clock. That is on Nicole’s side.

I’ve been reading a lot of crap lately, and while I am enjoying every moment of it, I do need to wash their taste down with something good every now and then. So I reread this amazing piece by Gay Talese, one of the writers who helped usher in the literary journalists age. That article, Frank Sinatra Has Cold, is brilliant on 16 different levels, not the least of which it is a profile and Gay never interviewed Sinatra. And he pulls it off. The article made me want to be a journalist and made me realize I never could be the journalist I want. Double whammy. If you have 15 minutes, go and read it. It balances any bad crap you have been reading!

Anyone watching L Word? Please explain how a group of friends drops their lives, packs a whole wardrobe and participates in a bike run in another state for several days. Does this happen in real life? I can barely organize a brunch date in the city for multiple friends, let alone a three-day biking adventure that requires tons of clothes, food, tents, airplanes and drama.

Pictured above, my nightstand. And my Skye, with her newly pierced ears!

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

I guess it ain't cheating if it ain't against the rules, huh? Not sure how to answer this one...

My partner and I have known each other for the past 12 years... been together (if together involves some form of sex) for about 9 of them, and considered ourselves together for about 5. (It's a long complicated story!) We moved so fluidly from best-friends-with-benefits to sharing-a-bank-account that the line in the sand never got drawn. After 4 years of fooling around with each other AND anyone else we felt like being involved with it seemed fooling to say "Ok, so now the rules change and you can only sleep with me." We've never had a problem with it, though, and our relationship is absolutely wonderful!

CCB said...

Yes, watching the L Word. How the hell did they bring all that STUFF? The beer? The clothes? The crazy house tents? I just don't get it. Also, after riding your bike for a million miles, who stays up wicked late drinking a hundred beers and playing games? I can barely do that after a day of work...

K J and the kids said...

Speaking of the L word....that could have been an episode. Was it an episode ? :) ha ha
And coming from the mother of 3, soon to be 5....I could have used the details once you left for the bathroom !

Anonymous said...

I've never cheated on anyone, but in my relationship I feel the need for that newness, and feel I could only get that through cheating.

Anonymous said...

I think that statistic for women is low because of the various reasons you mentioned. I don't believe women tell their spouse/SO in most cases or if they do tell, they don't tell the victim but maybe a friend.

I have cheated so I thought I'd give my two cents on this particular poll...even as ashamed as I am to admit it. I married my husband right out of highschool and was with him for about 13 years. After years of infertility struggles we found ourselves to be basically just coexisting and much if not all the passion was gone. I had told him I was unhappy a few times but we made no effort to try to work things out - I say this not to make excuses but more to give reference to my frame of mind at the time I cheated. When I did cheat on him, even against the advice of a male friend, I had to tell him...there was no way I could keep it from him. After I told him, he told me he wished he'd never found out about it, would've preferred I just ended things and never told him.

In truth, he said even if I had decided to stay with him...he still wished he would've never been told. I'm not sure but my own experience tells me that most men prefer to not ever find out and maybe that's why the statistic seems so much lower. I'm not one of those women who could be with someone and live that lie but I know there are some women out there who are...not that I'm condemning them for their choice - I have no right to say what's right or wrong for them - but just from my own experience...for whatever that's worth.

anon

Kerry Lynn said...

Yes, that L Word was silly but nice movie scene with jenny and nicki! That was worth it.

I voted no on the poll. I had to make an executive decision about whether I have or not. The absolute answer is yes, but it was when I was 19 or 20 on some silly boyfriend I had at the time. I've never cheated in my committed relationships including my marriage.

Anonymous said...

Is it cheating to fantasize about someone else? I certainly wouldn't want my partner to do it but I'm sure guilty of it. Along with strong crush feelings. EEK!

Anonymous said...

I cheated on my first husband after 13 years of marriage. We hadn't had sex for two years because of "his" cheating...
It seems so weird now-almost 20 years later, I wish I could say that I hadn't....it's one of the things that I wish I could do over-because I wouldn't do it again.

calliope said...

never cheated. But I have been cheated on in literally EVERY relationship I have had. I am the girl that dates a guy and then finds out that he is not really dating me.

Years of that pattern and then I decided that it had to be my fault. So I stopped having relationships had started having flings. & then that bothered me. So I just stopped. Everything.

4 years of nothing. I know. I'm a loser. But at least I am not suffocating on my trust issues...

Holly said...

Why did you stop the bathroom story?
I did cheat once on a boyfriend in college. And my wife cheated before on her ex. But I think we both are pretty comfortable in that neither one of us would cheat on each other. I would never cheat because I don't want to blow the perfect thing that I have. She would never cheat because she's not that into sex. ;-)

Stacy said...

I watch the Lword with a group of friends each week and it was our concurrence that they must have made Adele drag everything behind her on a bike trailer, and that's what made her so nuts.

Ninefirefly said...

I cheated on my husband of 8 years. That's how my wife and I ended up with each other. I wish I hadn't kinda but damn was it thrilling! She was also in a relationsip at the time. We have a few trust issues but nothing serious. . . I hope I'm never in that situation again.