Friday, August 10, 2007

Who Says We Can’t Have Meaningful Conversations?

There has been an empty storefront a block away from us for a couple of years. Recently there has been some activity inside and so we have been wondering what is going into that space. I hope, as always, for a book store, because 5 blocks to Borders is just w-a-y too far for me to walk. [I’m kidding…but I would still like another bookstore!] Today, on the way home from a software-buying outing I noticed an awning was up revealing what was going to open up in that space. I went home and was excited to tell Nicole that the mystery was solved:

Me: Guess what they are putting in on the corner?
Nicole: I have no idea.
Me: Guess:
Nicole: A Houlihan’s.
Me: No. Guess again!
Nicole: A vitamin store. [Notice please that there is no question mark, as she says these things with no up inflection. I might describe her tone as weary.]
Me: Nope. Try again!
Nicole: I’m not going to guess again. I guessed twice already and now I’m done.
Me: I’m not going to tell you then.
Nicole: Well, I guess the game is over.

Another conversation:

Me: Who is that cartoon character? He talks in a high monotone voice and sounds a little like this. [I demonstrate]
Nicole: I don't know, but I will think about it.
Me: No you won't. You won’t think about it.
Nicole: You’re right. I won’t think about it at all. [laughs manically.]

Other topics of conversation included:

• What Should We Order In For Dinner?
• Why Is The Baby Screaming?
• Should We Take A Walk Outside With the Babies or Just Put On Our Pajamas?
• Why the Nachos We Ordered with Dinner are Bad.
• When Did the Babies Eat Last?
• Why oh Why is the Baby Screaming?

I guess we need to work harder at having meaningful conversations!

Pictured above, as promised, my stomach. The first picture is before. And by “before” I mean before all those IVF and IUI drugs. The middle picture is during. The bottom picture is after. The shadows on my sides of my stomach make it seem like there is definition there. There is not. Those “shadows” are actually contour lines. My stomach juts out from those two parts on the side, giving me the appearance of still being pregnant from the side. It is lumpy and bumpy, not soft and squishy like normal fat. Those purple lines are stretch marks that I got in the last week of pregnancy. I was fine until that last week. My belly button looks stretched out like an old turtleneck. My hips are wider and my waist is much meatier. I have to have Nicole take a profile shot so you can get the full effect. Also, when I sit don, my stomach folds into several neat little bumps.

Don’t get me wrong: I am not complaining about my stretched-out skin and war-torn body. For the first time in my life I am actually ironically more comfortable with my body, flaws and flab and all. It is what it is, and it did an amazing thing. But there still is that side of me, with all the body image problems and borderline food issues problems. After all, I went on my first diet when I was in 3rd grade. I used to go to the gym twice a day and I would practically starve myself on a low-calorie diet and weigh myself 10 times a day. I am trying really hard to avoid such manias.

I still care but that doesn’t stop me from eating an entire box of Wheat Thins today. Or a bag of pretzels. And ice cream. There needs to be a balance but not today.

* Update: The bottom picture is a better shot of what my stomach looks like. The front-on shot didn't do it justice! In this picture, I look like I am still pregnant. And we all know that is categorically impossible!


Jeannette said...

I think you look pretty damn good! I had two kids, but at two separate my belly does not look anywhere near what yours looks like with twins!

About your conversations with Nicole, well, at least you had conversations. Some days I barely find the time to say more than hi, babe and good night.

Anonymous said...

Delurking to let you know...You crack me up! Not because I am laughing at you, but rather with you. I have two kids myself (and a daughter named Avery), and have can SO relate to so many things you have said. I absolutely love your posts! Thank you for saying out loud what most others think about motherhood, but are too busy playing "supermom" to admit.

Melinda said...

You always leave me hanging! First that whole casual "I used to live on a boat" bit, and now -- what kind of store is going in on the corner?? :)

K J and the kids said...

I LOVE YOU !!!! I LOVE that you posted your belly pictures. I would NEVER have posted post twins. Now I think...well I COULD have right after....but now I look like hell and they just turned one :) UGH!
You look great girl. I have stretch marks too. Mine came TWO F'N weeks to due date. What is that about ? DAMN IT !

What store is going in. A 7-11.

P.S. Wheat thins rock.

Kerry Lynn said...

me bowing down

and I was right it does look better than mine...but so does your before picture!

I'm sorry to hear you had body image issues. That must be hard.

lagiulia said...

I think you look good. Really. If you want, I can come over and show you mine. Heh. Then again, I don't think that would boost your morale in terms of hopes for a future flat belly. Seriously, you do look good. I was my skinniest in Dec., after two bouts of a stomach flu and still nursing two. And I thought, "Hey I look great!" Even though much of it was because of vomit and the runs. Messed up, no? But then upon weaning, I began to gain weight (a few pounds), and now I am back to looking kind of bloated. Just in the belly, though- the rest of by body is pretty thin. My husband jokes that the boys stretched me out so much (they were totally out front) that now whenever I retain a bit of water or eat a big dinner or whatever, there is so much extra skin that my belly just pops out. And I think that is unfortunately true. Very strangely, when I'm in the tub, my belly floats in the water because it's mostly just skin and tissue and water rather than fat, I think. It's really weird. But I also have to tell you that I haven't done much in the way of sit-ups, and I think my abs are still kind of displaced. So I probably could look a little better at this point with a bit of effort. Sounds like you're better about the gym than I! Anyway, it takes a long time, I think. You had two babies in there. Give yourself a break. Now if only I could take my own advice...