Help

11:30 pm. 1:30 am. 3:30 am. 4:30 am. 5:30 am. 6:30 am. This is last night’s demand-for-feedings-please times. At least I had that two-hour stretch of sleep.

And though I complain (a lot about the whole lack of sleep thing), I really do have lots of help. Nicole’s mother stayed with us for a full week and pulled all-nighters (and all dayers) with me. My sister-in-law and friends come by to help. And we have a nanny starting on Friday. Actually, the nanny is my good friend Annie, who is a kindergarten teacher with the summer off. I was anti-nanny and help (surprise, surprise: To the bitter end I insist I can do it all myself) and I was especially anti having a nanny that I didn’t know. How could I leave my children with someone I just met? Not that I will be leaving the babies—maybe to run to the food store—but I really wanted someone who I was comfortable with, who I would enjoy driving around with and going places with and, most important, who I would feel safe with my babies. I just wouldn’t get that level of comfort from someone I found on craigsli*st. We toyed with getting a night nurse, but I vetoed that.

I am still not thrilled about accepting help. This is a life-long issue. I don’t like asking for help and I don’t like getting help. I just want to be able to do it all myself, and I find it frustrating that I can’t. I will love having Annie around, because that will be social and fun so it won’t seem like I am getting help. So it sorta eases me into this getting-help scenario, which might help me in the long run be more willing to accept help.

But there should be some sort of badge for being able to do it all yourself, at least some of the time. When I was alone with the babies on Monday and managed to survive (an they survived too) I really felt so proud of myself (and them). It was empowering. We went to the post office and one store. Maddie had a meltdown in the store and Avery saved hers for the long wait at the post office. And even during those tense moments, it was still a successful trip out of the apartment together.

But it is so much easier when there is a second set of hands/lap/shoulder around.

I am starting to get into more of a groove. One of these days I will catch up on everyone’s lives. I figured out a way to pump and read on the computer and type with one hand! Nature always finds a way!

Pictured above is us with Avery. My brother gave Maddie a Madeline book and Avery got some Avery paper products. Madeline was named after madeline cookies, which bears some significance in my relationship with Nicole (long story) and Avery, well, we just liked that name. No cute little story behind her name, which makes me sad, because she might get older and lament how Maddie has this whole story around her name and there is no story around hers. I feel guilty already! But Avery is such an Avery. She couldn’t have any other name.