Sunday, December 24, 2006

It's All About Me

For the first time, I am not worried about the babies at all. I am worried about me.

I don’t know where this came from, but I have developed a ridiculous, insane fear of flying. Not the garden variety fear, but the full-on pre-flight breakdown, cry during turbulence, what-was-that-noise? variety. Where this came from, I don’t know. Maybe a little 9.11. Maybe just getting older. Maybe it is a control-freak thing. All I know is not five years ago, I flew halfway across the world on my own to join Nicole on a business trip with absolutely no issues. I used to look forward to flying. I’d fly anywhere, with a little trepidation, perhaps, but in general, very content, with my books, magazines, music, and computer to entertain me between bad airline food and trips to the bathroom, where I would wonder if was really true that some woman had her intestines sucked out because she flushed the toilet while sitting on it.

This fear is compounded by the fact that there appears to be a very large storm across Florida and said storm doesn’t appear to be going anywhere. There are thunderstorms and rain expected, which will make for a bumpy ride, I’m afraid. And we all know that weather is unpredictable. So this storm can take a bad turn while we are in it, perhaps. Part of me has actually considered just not going.

And the worst part is I can’t really take anything to take the edge off. During recent flights I have anesthetized myself with ambien or xanax. That really helped to take the edge off (by putting me to sleep!). Now I can take a Benadryl, and I feel guilty even doing that. Maybe I will stay up all night tonight so I will just sleep on the plane.

At least we had a nice day. We had our traditional Christmas Eve lunch at Tea & Sympathy. Then went to my brother’s house for dinner. Dinner was lovely, but sickness was in the air. My niece threw up three times and my nephew appears to have ringworm. My brother told Leif that means he has a little snake in his head and now little Leif is worried about that. (“Where are its eyes?” he asked) So on top of this flying/fear thing, I am googling ringworm and comptemplating my chances of getting whatever awful virus that Skye has, and wondering what long-term psychological damage Leif will suffer from in thinking there are snakes in his head.

Off to bed…so much for staying up all night and sleeping on the plane.


Sophia said...

can you ask your doc what herbs ar safe. Chamomille, valerian, skullcap, linden flower are all mild tranquilizers. I would make chamomille tea and add infusions of valerian and skullcap and i would sleep well. even if you don't achieve sleep you might achieve calm

Anonymous said...

I hate flying too -- and it seems to worsen as I age. However, now that I've got a baby in my arms when I fly I'm pretty distracted from my fears, which seems to help when we're actually in the air. The anticipation still gets me every time. Kind of like with roller coasters -- standing in line is almost as terrifying as the ride itself.

Jennifer said...

Thanks sophia for the tips..I resorted to ambien on the way down but am googling your ideas for the way back. I don't like the idea of "skullcap" though!