Whatever Happened to Congratulations?

Some recent reactions to our news:

Oh wow! Do twins run in your family?
Why, yes they do, in fact. My mother is a twin. And apparently there are some other twins scattered about on her side. And, when you get down to it, the odds of having twins are 1/89. So that means out of every 89 births, there is one set of twins. Throw me in a room with 89 women and I can imagine someone calling my name. I’ve hit greater odds for lesser things. But our twins are courtesy of IVF.

Oh Wow! Twins! You are going to be so tired!
Well, yes, I probably will. But I would be so tired with one baby as well. Those who I know with one child complain endlessly about how little sleep they got in the beginning. It’s fine. I’ll deal. As a new mother I don’t expect to get much sleep, but I am pretty certain that the sleep issue will work itself out in the end.

Oh Wow! Twins! Twin pregnancies are really hard!
Of course any women pregnant with twins is aware of the risks. Preterm labor, to start with. Fetal death. Vanishing twins. Preemies. Preemies who have to live in the NICU for a week. Preemies who have to live in the NICU for a month. Preemies who never leave the NICU. Yes, I am aware of the potential complications. It scares the shit out of me. So maybe this is not a good thing to discuss with any woman who is pregnant with twins.

Wow! Twins! Just what you need! (without being ironic)
Eight failed IUIs. Two spectacular failures of IVF. Hundreds of doctor’s appointments. At least 30K out-of-pocket expenses (almost 7K on sperm alone). A career postponed because I can’t do IVF and work at the same time. Stress. Fear. Stress. Depression like I have never felt. Stress. Weight gain. Raging hormones. Weight loss. Potential increased cancer risk due to all of the drugs pumped in my body (depends on which research you believe). Months of intramuscular shots in my ass. Three miscarriages, including a horrifically painful ectopic. And now I am pregnant with two babies? Two (so far, knock on wood) perfect little babies? How can anyone see negative in that?!

Wow! Twins! How are you going to fit them in your apartment?
For the life of me I cn't figure out why people worry about these sort of things. We realize that children hog up a lot of space, but we aren’t so worried with where to put them. I wouldn't say it is the least of our worries, but I can say that it is easily the most solve-able issue. By NYC standards, our apartment is the square footage of a typical two-bedroom. We can carve a corner of the living room into a perfectly usable bedroom (with windows). There are plans to renovate the under-utilized entry office area. And plans for a place for weekend getaways so they (and we) can enjoy lawns and trees and nature. Babies will have their own closet and tons of cabinet space. (We still have cabinets in the kitchen that hold One Towel or Nicole’s old Snack Plate.) So no one over here I worried about space.

Wow! Twins! You are going to be huge!
Anyone who knows me knows I gain and lose the same 20 pounds, all my life. That may be a clue that maybe just maybe there are a few small food issues going on with me. Do you really think it is beneficial to discuss how my body is going to change? In giant terms, no less? Right now, what matters most to be is delivering two healthy babies. So if that means I blow up like a blimp, so be it. One thing I know for certain I am dedicated enough to get back into shape. So today I indulged in a Napoleon when I was in Little Italy. I went to a separate restaurant to get an order of French Fries for my take-out dinner. I had a pudding cup for dessert. And I don’t really feel guilty at all. Maybe just a little…..

Wow! Twins! How are you going to manage?
I’m guessing we’ll manage just like anyone with two kids manages. In other words, we will manage just fine.

We wanted two children, maybe three. The way I look at it, we are getting both at once. Considering all that we went through to get to this point, it is a relief. After all, I didn’t want to go through all the stress and challenges of an IVF cycle again. Or the chance of having another m/c. Not to mention the time commitment. And the money….and I could go on.

I look at my niece and my nephew—I love both to the extreme—and I can’t imagine life without either of them. If they came at the same time, would I look at them as a burden? I doubt it. I look at this pregnany for what it is: A gift; a blessing; buy-one-get-one-free; answered prayers times two.