We’re Off the See the Scanner….Again

My first Ob/Gyn appointment went well. Sort of. First—most important—I saw the babies. Still alive. I had an abdominal ultrasound, which made me feel pregnant, if only for the moment. Baby A was kicking and moving his/her arms, showing off for the camera. I started to laugh, but that made it harder to see. But it was mesmerizing. Baby B was very still, which scared me to death. But all that poking woke him/her up and then he/she started moving too, mainly the little hands. What a relief. I wish Nicole had seen it too, because words don’t do it justice. It is a miracle, and that is not lost on me.

Baby B’s heart rate seemed slower to my untrained eye, but Dr. B says it “seems” fine. She can’t measure it with her dinky little machine, so I need to go with her instinct. But “seems” is such a wishy-washy word that doesn’t exactly instill confidence. I pushed Dr. B to be more specific but she insisted again that it seemed fine. Almost 12 weeks and I am still terrified of losing one or both.

In other news, my thyroid levels are “off.” I need to repeat blood work to see if it was just a glitch or if there is indeed something wrong. My platelet levels were also higher than normal. I asked Dr. B what this all means, and she launched into a detailed explanation of how the thyroid works, etc. I then asked the bottom line question: Is this going to cause a miscarriage or hurt the babies? The answer was a resounding no. Thank goodness. I can deal with thyroid disease if I have to, but I can’t deal with another negative ending.

The good news is I really like my new doctor, but I don’t like how the practice is run. The appointments were running more than an hour late because the temp receptionist scheduled 12 new patients in one day. And she was flustered and unresponsive. While waiting in the tiny room, I listened to her awful phone manners. She practically berated patients who called in with seemingly innocent questions and was unable to schedule a single appointment for any of the other patients because she couldn’t work the computer, leaving many nervous pregnant women walking out without knowing when they would be in next. I know she has been here for at least three weeks, because she scheduled my appointment (it took almost 15 minutes on the phone!). So she should have the system down by now.

Wednesday is The Big Scan. We are doing the Nuchal Fold scan to test for potential abnormalities. Nicole took the day off, so she is coming in with me, which makes everything seem so much easier to deal with. Everything is better when Nicole is with me. Plus, she will be able to share in seeing the babies, which will make it all seem more real that our family of two is now a family of four.

You would think by now I might start to relax, but I am not relaxed at all. The first trimester is almost over and I am still worried. There are still too many milestones to hit and still too many things that can go wrong.

I used to think that I was having an easy first trimester, but when I think about it, it actually has been hard. My mythical tolerance for pain and discomfort clouds my perception once again. I’m exhausted all the time. I wake up at least 5 times a night to pee, so I never get a good night’s sleep. I get a little queasy if I don’t eat anything. I get dizzy all the time, in that old-fashioned-fainting-pregnant-woman type of way. I get so winded just walking to the bathroom, and I practically hyperventilate when walking up the stairs from the subway. I even have a hard time walking and talking on the phone because of the out-of-breathness.

And then, of course, there’s food. While I enjoy a good meal as much as the next person, I now am officially obsessed with food. I went an hour out of my way to today to get German potato salad, sauerkraut and homemade pretzels on the Upper East Side. Everything tastes delicious. I have so many new taste buds. I don’t crave anything in particular: I crave everything. Sourdough bread with unsalted butter. Sour pickles. Salad with homemade buttermilk dressing. Rice with sour cream. Spicy rice with lime. Pasta with olive oil and shaved Parmesan cheese. Cracklin’ Oat Bran. The aforementioned German potato salad. New England clam chowder. Manhattan clam chowder. Stove Top stuffing. See’s chocolate with brown sugar filling. Salt bagels with melted cheddar. I could go on…. but there’s a toffee almond bar in the fridge with my name on it.