I Should be Writing About My Melancholy Instead

I feel sorry for Sarah Palin. She was Messiah-fied by the media after her first speech and now she is being crucified, even by members of her own party. Politics aside, I think of her as another woman, a mother, who struggles to balance family and work, who wonders if she looks good or bad, who thinks she needs to have a date night with her husband, who worries about her health and her family and her eating habits and her retirement. I may not agree with her at all politically, but at the end of the day, she is a sleep deprived mother (of a new baby, no less, and a teenage daughter who is pregnant), a wife, a daughter and a friend who is just trying to live her life.

Thursday’s debate is going to be huge. One of two things will happen: Either she will crash and burn in a monumental way, SNL-fodder way, making even Dan Quayle look like a genius, or she will rise to the occasion in an unbelievable way, thus making her and McCain’s election inevitable. I am still not clear why McCain chose her, since she is so lacking in experience. Yes, she runs a state, if you will, but let’s be frank: It’s not like she closes her door, sits in a big, wing-backed leather chair and rules (for some reason, Dr. Claw, the evil guy in Inspector Gadget, comes to mind). She is surrounded by her own entourage of aides, policy experts, panels, analysts, assistants and department heads, who help guide her and make decisions. When all else fails, she can rule by the doctrines of her political party. (Gay marriage? Deny! Less social welfare programs? Pass!) I don’t want to sound too naïve, by I truly believe that almost anyone can rise in politics under this paradigm.

Where else but in American can a poor student, heavy drinker, born again baseball fan rise to the highest political office in the country? Oh, that’s right, he is from a wealthy, white, politically connected family. Bush has lowered the bar, so maybe Palin does have a shot.

I feel like we are all learning a lot this election season, and it isn’t all that pretty. I also learned how to properly pronounce Nevada (Na-vaaad-duh, instead of Na-vah-duh and Pock-eeeee-Stahn instead of Pack-eh-stan). All these years, I have been sounding like an ignorant fool.

So Congressed overruled a 700 billion bailout (by the way, I read somewhere that “bailout” is leaving a sour taste in everyone’s mouth. A little spin, like “economic recovery plan” might inspire rather than divide)., and instead we lost 1.2 trillion dollars. 1.2 trillion, which looks like 1, 200,000,000,000 (quadrillion comes after 100 billion, because how soon until we start talking about deficits in the quadrillions?). We are in such deep shit. It makes me long for Little House on the Prairie days, when you paid for things cash on the barrel (what an evocative image) and didn’t live in credit card debt and in credit hell. No one own anything anymore. Cars, homes, even the clothes and food we all buy is on credit. (see new poll at right.)

Bush is making another short speech for us today? Why?? Shouldn’t he be speaking to Congress instead? Or helping develop a deal that makes everyone a little happier? After all, HUNDREDS of congressmen and women refused to pass the deal, from both parties. But Bush wants to tell us once again how shitty everything is and how important this is. Thank you, Master of the Obvious.

By the way, America Wife by Curtis Sittenfeld was incredibly good. Read it now.

Anyway, this post isn’t supposed to be about politics or bailouts . But I have run out of time, as the girls are both up and talking to each other, which means my alone time is winding down. They had their 15 month appointment recently and they weight 24 (M) and 26 pounds (A). They are such little toddlers now. They love to “read” books, especially ones with flaps that need to be lifted. Avery can hiss like a snake and likes to say hi to things like ceiling fans and animals on the street, but won’t say hi to people. Madeline has huge feet (long and wide) and still loves collecting like items and moving them from place to place, I would love to see her daily To Do list. They are the lights in my life and the drainers of my energy.

Pictured above, the little ladies.

Welcome to The Grapes of Wrath: 2008 Edition

Today is officially the first day of fall, which makes me very happy. This past week it has been downright chilly in the morning, so much so that I need to bring a sweatshirt with me on my morning pre-sunrise walk to the gym. The girls need to wear socks when we go out and usually long sleeves. And, best of all, no more air conditioning. That should help keep our electric bill down. Our electric bill is about $100 more a month than last year. Pathetic.

We spoke with our justice of the peace last night to go over details. We need to decide what to be pronounced: Should she say I now pronounce now legally married? Or wife and wife? Or woman and wife? Or partners for life? Nicole leans toward legally married, which seems very much her: Straight and to the point. I lean toward none of the options, of course, because they all sound so imposter-like, when you have spent 36 years hearing “husband and wife” and, more hideously, “man and wife.” So we need to work out some of these little details, but the bigger decisions, like date (October 24th) and place (gazebo at Look Park) are done. I’d also like to hire a photographer to take a few pictures, so if anyone in that area knows of any photographers (professional or otherwise: I’m fine with a hobbyist with a good camera and a good eye, too) please let me know.

I am beginning to reach political saturation and a starting to think who cares who wins this election. I can’t shake the feeling that regardless of who is in the oval office, nothing will change and I will still get the short end of the stick. Both candidates talk about tax breaks, but both also agree that those who make above a certain amount (us) will have to pay more taxes (great). So no matter who is in the office, we will pay more. Neither candidate make any promises to more equality for me and my family, but both make very vague promises to not take away more rights.

There was an article this Sunday about how almost 100 percent of LIRR retirees receive copious disability benefits (whether they are disabled or not). I hear stories all the time about able-bodied people who ate collecting disability. There is a report today about how NYC pays 74 million a year for teachers who don’t have to work. This 700 billion dollar bailout plan? Are you kidding me? And how about that tidbit that former Goldman CEO and now secretary of the Treasury Henry Paulson, who has 800 million dollars in Goldman stock. Don’t you think he has a very personal interest in keeping these banks afloat?? 800 MILLION. Think he is objective? Hmmm, what a coincidence, as the Church lady used to say. And McCain was the chairman of the Senate banking Committee, the very same committee that apparently approved a lot of the actions that got us into the mess we are in today.

Everything and everyone seems corrupt. I know this isn’t the most mature attitude, but today I just feel like it is all bullshit and everyone sucks. Every day huge news bombs are dropped on us; each one deserving of its own Time Magazine Special issue.

I feel like one needs an MBA to understand what is going on. So allow me to direct you to Nicole’s Brand New, Hot Off the Presses blog. Alas, she has no cute pictures, but she does have an MBA and a very down-to-earth way of explaining the mess we are in.

Pictured above, our visit to the community garden over the weekend, which you won’t see on Nicole’s blog. Not liek I am competitive or anything.

Thanks, Weak Dollar, For Destroying Another Gift Occasion For Me

My brain hurts from trying to figure out the time zone distance every time I think of Nicole. She is in London, five hours ahead, and for some reason this simple mathematical equation makes my head hurt. It’s noonish here so it is quitting time over there for her.

The ladies and I are on Day Two of our alone existence. So far, it has been fine (knock on all wood). Bedtime last time was a breeze (both down by 6:15); they slept until almost 8:00; and except for a little moodiness during the day (it might be teeth or missing mommy, who can tell) all was well. But today is Tuesday, and I have to do this until Friday, with no good gifts to look forward to as an incentive since the dollar is so weak in England. So to make myself feel better, I’m heading up to Williams-Sonoma to buy cookie cutters.

Nicole’s first post, which I posted here and she posted on her Facebook page, has generated lots of discussion. I am loving the debate, and learning things from others. (By the way, she said it is ok to forward what she wrote to others.)

Below are my comments to Nicole’s post, because the girls are waking up and I don’t have time to be original. Above are pictures of Maddie grabbing her cow duck. I would love to frame these pictures and put them in the bathroom, but Nicole doesn’t believe in pictures in the bathroom.

___________________________

OK, my thoughts:

It’s great that McCain does not endorse an amendment to the constitution banning gay marriage, but he also doesn’t propose/support an amendment in favor of it. Neither does Obama. Both want kudos for NOT supporting a ban, but neither is strong enough to stand up and say “Let’s get this worked out for our gay American friends!” As if the world will fall apart if the country recognized my right to marry Nicole.

I don’t care how maverick McCain thinks he is or how maverick/pro-change Obama thinks he is: In the end, both will capitulate to the doctrines and dogma and desires of their respective parties. Both presidential noms and Biden (not Palin) are very much members of the DC Insider’s Club, as was Hillary. No surprises there. Palin? To me, just a distraction. At this point, 99 percent of this election is focused on her. We (I mean “we” in the universal sense) are all so busy busy busy debating, discussing, denouncing and demonizing Palin that we are completely distracted from the REAL issues.

Frankly, neither candidate really has any plan to increase rights for me, and it is quite frustrating. In my lifetime, I hope to see this corrected. I take comfort in the fact that no civil rights movement has ever failed (in other words, laws protect, even when hatred and prejudice exists) but I am getting a bit impatient. Here is a sample thought process: If I die in a car accident alone, what hoops will Nicole have to jump through to make sure no one takes her children away from her? Until the adoption is complete (and 15K later) our girls are considered all mine and not hers and in the event of my death, wards of the state. My straight married friends don’t need to worry about that, thank goodness. But these sort of things can keep me up at night.

I identify with democrat for many reasons, but that is not to say that I am thrilled to bits with Obama. I am not. I am still perplexed by the Messiah-fication of Obama, who was a virtual unknown to the rest of the country (but not Illinois) until the last election’s DNC. But after his big speech, he became the kinder, gentler politician who could do no wrong, a media and political darling. Instant superstar. Sounds a little like Palin, no? Except she is getting the nasty end of the media. And while it was discouraged to be brought up during Hillary’s campaign, I think it is worth it to revisit sexism.

But why I vote for Obama: Obama most likely won’t take rights away from me or appoint justices who might takes rights away from me. I can’t say the same about McCain.

And Now A Very Good Word From My Sponsor.....

We have been talking politics in our home. A lot. In fact, on the drive up to Massachusetts on Friday (to pick up our Big Gay Marriage License), we spent most of the three hour trek up discussing various elements of this year’s election, politics, etc. I think it wouldn’t shock anyone that we are both democrats, both voting for Obama, both bitter that Hillary wasn’t selected as a running mate; but we both can concede to certain republican ideologies and principles, too.

Nicole became so enlivened by the recent turn of political events that it wasn’t enough to just talk it out with me. For the first time in, I don’t know, ever, she typed out a fast and furious manifesto that I happen to think is brilliant. I find this essay about politics to be quite politic (in the true definition of the word: tactful, diplomatic, shrewd). But I am not exactly the most equitable judge. She has allowed me to post her manifesto here, so you can be the judge. I think she has a future as a blogger!
Or politician. Or, a the very least, doctoral-of-something student.
_______________________________________________________________

Are we that gullible?

No, we can’t be. I was convinced that after McCain announced his pick for VP that the majority of women would see right through it. I told myself, “Women are smarter than that. We won’t fall for such an obvious ploy and this will backfire.” I was wrong.

As I listen to the chatter and read my friends’ Facebook comments I’ve come to realize that McCain’s move was sheer brilliance. McCain was right to underestimate American women. He made the right bet that we would pull our heads from out of the sand long enough to catch a few sound bites, conclude that Palin is just what we need (she’s an everyday Jane just like us, right?), and proceed to stick said head right back into said sand. Ignorance is truly bliss.

The women I know are intelligent, sophisticated, successful. So, what makes them like Sarah Palin? She has very little in common with these women and Palin doesn’t represent Feminine values. Yes, she wears lipstick and skirts, is a mother and wife. But, if you think about it she mimics the Masculine and the values of the fundamentalist right-wing party. She’s a modern day Jim Crow, if you will. Palin was chosen to humor women. We may not be exactly equal but it’s close enough. Clearly the right-wing values us; that we made it. If we have a female VP what could we possibly complain about?

Diversity is not just about different genders or ethnicities. Diversity of thought is important as well. Sarah Palin may bring gender diversity but she will not bring a new Feminine way of thinking to the White House. Women bring more that just estrogen to the table so what is the Feminine? I am not a Women’s Studies scholar but I will give you my thoughts. The Feminine is our maternal, peaceful, loving, collaborative side. Men have it as well; some more than others. It is what drives us to care for our children and children of others, to be charitable, to be diplomatic and choose aggression only when threatened, to embrace family, and to connect with others.Most women speak as if they are proud of these values (family, education, charity, peace) but their actions are incompatible if they vote for McCain/Palin. Have we been completely indoctrinated into a culture that snuffs the Feminine? Have we been so brainwashed that we ignore, even deny, the Feminine – what makes us different, special – and adopt the Masculine? Clearly, this is what some women admire in Palin. Who doesn’t want to be the chick who can give guys a run for their money; whether it’s slaughtering caribou, on the sidelines of a hockey game, or in the government offices of Alaska? She must be able to translate this sassiness into something great in DC. In fact, we think she has so much potential let’s put her one step away from the highest office in the country. Really? What’s that about?

We’re scared. For seven years we have been bombarded with propaganda. Al-Qaeda is coming back any day, Iraq is threatening, some Muslim or another is going to sneak in with all the other illegal immigrants (they’re scary, too) and bomb the hell out of us. We watch “24” and thank God that the Republican administration is full of Jack Bauers without whom we all would have died six times over and without a doubt Jack wouldn’t work for Democrat. We need men to keep us safe – let’s ignore the fact that they are the ones that got us into danger.

We’ve brushed aside the Feminine for the good of a nation. We’ve come to believe that striking first is the right thing to do, that lots of guns at home keep us safe, and that healthcare and education are other people’s problems – those issues are important but just not now. We’ve come to believe that it’s OK to be second class citizens, that it’s OK to make 70 cents on the dollar, that we should be proud that a woman actually tried to run for President. Isn’t that an achievement? No, it’s not. A woman should have already been President. We’ve been humored, placated. We’ve been complacent.

Since when is shooting animals out of a helicopter a good thing? Since when is pro-life with no exceptions a good idea? Since when do we believe that the government knows what’s better for us than we do? Should the government tell us what to do with our bodies, what books our children should read, who we should worship? Sarah Palin wants to do exactly that. Doesn’t exactly sound like Feminine values to me. In fact, it sounds a heck of a lot like what fundamentalist men have been trying to accomplish for years.

Whether you are Republican or Democrat is not the issue. What concerns me most is that lack of objectivity and critical thinking. This Alex P. Keaton behavior in which folks are do-or-die Republicans (or Democrats, for that matter) regardless of the changes in that party’s dogma. And the dogma has changed.

I was amused recently when an old friend reminded me that I was pretty conservative in high school. In fact, there was a time during my teens and twenties – dare I say it – when I identified with Republicans. Frankly, the Republican economic theory (aka, “trickle down”) directly benefits me and I do subscribe to some of its ideals. But what was once a party that believed in small federal government and low taxes has morphed into a right-wing fundamentalist, imperialist, and intrusive ideology. Yes, the “Family Values” ideology has been part of the Republican dogma since the eighties (and I wasn’t a fan of it then) but think about how much it’s devolved over the past 20 years.

We think we’ve come a long way and we’re proud of ourselves. We’re politically correct now. We don’t talk about the d*kes, t*wel heads, n**gers, j*ps, ch*nks, w*tbacks, and k*kes the way we used (although, bitch and fag are still fair game). Yup, I just used those words (or at least I would have if I weren’t afraid that Facebook would shut me down regardless of my intent). You don’t use them anymore but if you support the fundamentalist right-wing ideology you vote for something much more subversive and much more dangerous. I’d rather you use those words as then I would at least know who I’m dealing with. The right-wing hates anyone who is different. Are you an immigrant? Oooh, scary. Are you gay? Oh dear lord, please don’t try to marry. Are you black, Hispanic, Asian? Wow, not sure how to deal with you. But, wait, please, please, don’t be Muslim. That’s really scary stuff. Those are the kinds of people that attack countries with no provocation. Those are the kinds of people that send their children to die on a bed of lies. Wait a minute that sounds a lot like us…odd.

Over the past few days I’ve come to realize a few things…

- Women don’t have a cause. We’ve lost all interest in the feminist movement. We’ve grown complacent. We have come to believe that the man will keep us safe. Why don’t we think we could do it better? Do you really think a woman would have attacked Iraq? (Sarah Palin would have but that just proves the rule.) Why did McCain choose Palin and not another more experienced strong Republican woman? Carly Fiorina and Meg Whitman come to mind and I am sure there are many other solid choices for VP. What was his motivation?

• People don’t want to think. They choose a side. They find people they identify with. They stick with it. They ignore the overall impact – on themselves, those they love – in lieu of feeling a part of something. I am amazed that the people who benefit the least from Republican policy identify with and vote Republican.

• People don’t want to take responsibility. We’d prefer to leave the decisions to our organized religions and/or political parties. It’s much easier to point to our religions and say, “Sorry, but that’s just the way it is. That’s how God wants it.” Believe it or not, you can be Christian (I was raised Catholic so this is the religion I am most comfortable discussing) and think for yourself. In fact, I would argue that Christ’s teachings advocate individual responsibility and ownership for your actions. Christ preached the Feminine; peace, love, charity. If Christ were running the country things would be a lot different. The sick wouldn’t go untreated, the hungry would be fed, we would truly strive for peace. For those of you who are Catholics or are part of an organized religion my goal is not to offend. That said, Christians should take the time to read the Gnostic Gospels and the vast amount of credible research on Christ and his teachings. I wonder why we prefer to hide behind religion but I guess the answer is clear. Why is it that your divorce, your abortion, your theft, your aggression, your lack of charity is OK? When you go against your religion’s teachings God’s Ok with it but my homosexuality is not. Because you confess and I don’t? Isn’t that convenient. I guess it is nice to have unlimited do-overs in life and our organized religions provide that.

• People won’t accept the fact that what we should be really afraid of is not outsiders but ourselves. It’s the people who are working hard to quietly erode everything this nation was built on - our rights, our privacy, our independence. Every time we make a decision like, “I think it would be great for Jennifer and Nicole to marry but there are bigger issues like national security.” or “Sure, I think a woman should be able to choose but Republicans won’t be able to overturn Roe v. Wade so what’s the big deal?” or “They would never tap my phones so I think it’s fine that they go after suspected terrorists,” we come a step closer to what we truly fear.

I’ve asked a lot of questions in this diatribe but here’s the really important one. Did you really think it through when you chose your candidate? There are a lot of reasons to vote for McCain (some of them are actually good). Palin isn’t one of them. In fact, I dare say that if you are truly objective and think critically you would realize that Palin should be the final nail in the proverbial coffin. And this year, and maybe only this year for you Alex P. Keaton Republicans, you should vote the Democratic ticket.

Cue The Violins [For Me] But Not The Scary Vampire Music [For Madeline]

I am going though one of those stages when I feel really frustrated with the twin thing. It goes without saying (but bears repeating) that I love both of my children and I grateful every day for both of them. I would never wish that I only had one because can’t imagine my life without both these girls. I don’t wish for less of them, I wish for more of me, because twins are freaking hard.

When I used to spend days with my nephew when he was this age, we would go to the playground twice a day. I can’t do that alone with the girls because they go in two different directions and climb in two different directions and fall in two different directions and they both require my constant attention as a safety measure. I can’t let them walk slowly down the street holding my hand because it is impossible to do with two. I can’t take them to the Children’s Museum because there is a no stroller policy there and I can’t carry two babies around. Petting Zoo with two seems like a nightmare. Mommy and Me classes scare me, since in my case it would be Mommy and Me and Me. Even giving them a bath is hard. I consider myself tough and capable, but I have my limits.

The worst part is it makes me feel like I am a bad mother. I am not fishing for compliments here, but I know I could do better. Or, maybe let’s not say a bad mother but a mother in need of improvement. I am not exactly lounging on the couch all day watching my stories, but with one, I know I could be more active. I am physically able to run after a child all day but I am obviously not able to be in two places at one time. And 15-month olds never seem to want to be in the same place a one time.

When it is the two of us it is a thousand times easier. Over the weekend, we took the girls to a café and then for a little amble in a new community garden. We each held a baby on our lap at the café (there were no highchairs) and gave them little bites of chocolate and our Napoleon. At the garden, Nicole followed one and I followed the other, chasing them around the dangerous rocky paths and down the little slopes. It is much more civilized and manageable with the two of us. And it was fun, a happy family memory carved out of such an otherwise ordinary afternoon.

Instead, by myself, I feel like I am just trying to stay one step ahead of their many needs. I am more of a Toy Arbitrator and a Need Meeter and Day Scheduler than I am a mom. I want my kids to remember me not as a mom who always makes sure they had milk after their naps, but rather as a mom who played with them. I want to go to the parks ad the museums and the classes and the story hours. I want to hop in the car and visit my stay-at-home friends with their kids. I want go on overnight trips to visit faraway friends. I want to go to bed and night and feel like I was an engaged, active and involved mom. I just want to do all of those other things I imagined I would do as a mother but at this age, this stage, I just can’t. And I am having a hard time trying to accept that this isn’t the way I imagined motherhood to be.

Again, I reiterate that this doesn’t mean I wish I only had one baby. It just means I wish I could hurry up and learn how to be a mom to twins.

One thing I think I am doing well is keeping a record of their lives that they can look back on some day (that would be this blog). Some sticky notes: Madeline is starting to experiment with Control, so if you aren’t looking a her, she will take her chubby little hands and turn your chin to face her. Avery performs several trick on demand: Most adorable are Hot Stepper (she steps in place really fast, knees extra high and steps extra fast) and Ski Jumper (she assumes a tuck position, and holds her arms behind her back like ski poles). She also does Knee Walker (self explanatory). They are good little eaters. For breakfast today they each had a waffle spread with yogurt and topped with Cheerios and blueberries. They still go to bed by 6:30 and sleep till 7:00ish and are mostly taking one long nap (almost three hours) and one siesta (about 30 minutes of quiet crib time in the afternoon). They babble all the time and say things that sound like words, but I am still waiting for context. When Nicole comes home they run to her.

They stare at people sometimes like they have never seen another human before in their lives. They love playing a new game called spread the love. I’ll upload a video of that. They love music and “dancing” but Madeline is afraid of Toccata and Fugue in D Minor. Nicole asked me “Why are you playing them scary vampire music?” What is it about organs that makes people think of vampires and monsters? Organs make me think of church. Po-tay-toe pot-tah-toe. But I guess I’ll need to take Back off any playlists, until Madeline chills.

Oh, and I have a puzzle for NYC moms: Does anyone know of a place that rents jogging strollers? Nicole leaves for London on Sunday and I want/need to rent a double jogging stroller for four or five days, so I can burn up some of my own energy, since I won’t be able to go to the gym. I googled but only came up with one place, which didn’t respond to my emails. Any thoughts? You would think this wouldn’t be an impossible get in this city.

Anyone watch Rachel Maddow? I’m intrigued.

Pictured above, some snapshots from our café and community garden adventures. That empty plate used to be a delicious Napoleon.

Things I Don’t Want to Hear on a Plane: A Fearful Flyer’s Manifesto

Things I Don’t Want to Hear on a Plane: A Scared Passenger’s Manifesto

I’ve written before about my unnecessary, unnerving and unavoidable [albeit sudden] fear of flying. I don’t know where it came from and I don’t know how to make it go away. It isn’t simply a control issue thing, as many people project, because I am also terrified when Nicole flies. She has to text me the second the plane lands otherwise I am asking around to people on the street “Did you hear anything about a plane crash?” I’m not kidding. Well, maybe that does, now that I think of it, include elements of control issues. Anyway.

I think all airline employees (pilots, flight attendants, security people and counter service people) should act like the passenger they are dealing with is scared out of his or her mind, like me, so I put forth these rules to follow:

1. No Conditional Tense: Please avoid using this tense at all times when on a plane. I don’t need to hear the insinuation that that an action (staying alive) is dependant on the occurrence of a condition (landing safely/not falling out of the sky). So I don’t want to hear a pilot say “We Should be landing” or “We Should have you on the ground…” Just say we WILL be landing or we WILL be on the ground.

2. No Turbulence Predictions: So I am on the plane, strapped in, trying to stay calm and relaxed before take off, reminding myself continuously that this is a safe and efficient form of transportation and telling myself that I am ridiculous, when the pilot comes on and says that he expects a smooth flight after North Carolina, which our pilot did indeed say on our flight down to Florida. Or on a return flight from England once the pilot warned that things might get a little bumpy over the Atlantic. Which, by the way, is most of the flight. Do they have to give these updates? As a passenger on a plane I expect that there will it pockets of turbulence, so please don’t tell me that the first 500 miles of my trip might be a veritable roller coaster. That’s sort of like driving in a car and someone announcing every pothole. “Here comes a pothole! Oops. There’s another one. Oh, and another. I bet there will be more!”

3. No Interrupted Announcements: Never ever ever start an announce “Good morning, this is the pilot….” and then switch off and leave us hanging. So many times I am on a plane and the pilot will start to make an announcement, only to suddenly stop. Most unnerving is when they stop at critical junctures, like our destination. “Good morning folks! We’ll be on our way to [switch off….long pause] Los Angeles just as soon as we are cleared for takeoff.”

4. No Technical Difficulties Announcements: Why the hell do they tell us that they are sorry for a delay, but they are fixing a mechanical error, and it should be completed in a few minutes and we should be on our way. Tell me you are waiting for the luggage to be loaded (fine) or waiting for snack cups to be delivered (fine). Don’t tell me we are sitting in this plane, take off delayed, because there is a mechanical issue or electrical issue. Just don’t.

5. Do Not Disturb the Pilot: If I asked a flight attendant a question, I don’t expect him or her to call the pilot. On our last trip to Florida, I wandered to the back of the plane and hung out n the galley with Madeline. I asked the flight attendant when we would be landing and he said “Hold on. I’ll check” and proceeded to intercom to pilot. DO NOT disturb them! Don’t you know they are busy keeping us alive? I don’t want my legacy to be a black box recording of a pilot saying answering my timing questions.

6. Don’ Use Jargon: The pilot said that our takeoff was delayed today because of “sequencing in New York.” Now does he really expect that anyone on the flight other then himself and his crew knew what that meant? Is that the new word for “circling the airport?”

That’s all I can come up with now.

We are back, safe and sound, and I am watching the RNC and sitting here typing this. The girls were pretty damn good on the plane. Both were great on the way down. Coming back, both were a little harder to contain, but that is because they just spent a week at the paradise that is Nana’s house, with the lake and two pools and driveway rocks and a sprinkler and grass and docks and fish and car rides to Target every day. They were running and playing and frolicking from the minute they woke up until the minute they went to bed. We had a great time. The girls had a great time.

Some Sticky Notes: Madeline hugged Avery for the first time. The both loved being in water. Madeline is fearless, and runs down the beach into the lake, without stopping. Avery spent a little more time paying with the sand. But both were little guppies.
Avery loves playing Peek-a-boo, and covers her eyes accordingly. Madeline covers the back of her head. Both are officially off diluted juice and are now drinkers of only milk and water. Both seem to enjoy cats. Madeline says MOM (more like ma-hum) a lot; Avery says words that sound like Mommy, Happy and Baby, but not really in context., as much as I want to think she is. Both are much more interested in books (thank God) and bring them over to us when they want them read. When I ask Madeline is she wants to go for a ride in the car, she will walk through the kitchen and into the garage and to the car. Both hand me their pacifiers before they get out of their crib because they know pacifiers are just for night-night. 15 months and 2 days. Where does the time go?

Most people have busy summers. We have a busy fall, a very busy fall. Things are going to get a little hectic round these here parts very soon. But before all that, Nicole will be off to London for work for a week. How how how how am I supposed to do it all alone?

I just bought that new book American Wife and can’t wait to read it. I read Sittenfeld’s first book (Prep) and loved it. American Wife should be interesting, politically, that is. Interesting timing.

Tune in tomorrow for even more disjointed ramblings.

Pictured above, pictures.

Vacation!!

The Amazing Race: Family Vacation/Baby Style

We are leaving for our Floridian Adventure. In five short hours we will be strapped into our seats on a plane, each with a bouncy, wiggly, walking, babbling, busy, loud, very very busy, did I mention busy, child on our laps. This is our third plane trip with the girls. The first two, I think, may seem like a cakewalk, since they were much mellower (in other words, they didn't walk). I am praying that they sleep. I'll take whatever I can get, but for at least half a flight would be fantastic.

Why is it that almost every time we fly there is a storm covering the entire eastern seaboard? I hate flying. It really interferes with traveling.

If You Are A Celebrity, Please Respond [And I Apologize]

Last night I had very, very real dreams. The kind when you wake up and think Did That Really Happen? Personally, I hate those vivid dreams and would much prefer my dreamlike state to be nothing but static with a white noise soundtrack.

In one of my dreams a person came up to me and said that she is a celebrity and she reads my blog. I had no idea who she was. So if you are a celebrity and you read my blog, reveal yourself. And I apologize for not knowing you in my dreams.

We leave for Florida in two days. That, I believe, is at the root of these crazy anxiety dreams. Sometimes I wonder if dreams are premonitions because I have had some bizarre dreams. I won’t bore you with the details, but I am very curious how this subconscious mind of ours works. Anyone care to condense Freud for me?

I skipped watching the DNC last night in favor of reading an article about moving out of NYC. Well, I listened to it in the background, but in general I just found it all so…annoying, I guess. I couldn’t help but cringe every time the camera panned to the political family member who looks like the Crypt Keeper. It would be too mean to name names, right? But her first name rhymes with Nah-rhea and her last name sounds like Strive Her. Or Schwarzenegger, take your pick. And I am sad about Elder Statesman’s emergency surgery and all, but every time I look at him I think about that whole accidentally killing a woman on Cape Cod thing. Michelle Obama’s speech, what I heard of it, sounded very rehearsed, which is a good and bad thing. At times her voice took that flat, preacher-like, droning tone, and you could almost see some little voice in her head say “Snap out of it! Add some modulation! Flap your arms!” And then suddenly she would flinch and talk a little faster, look a little flustered. And then cutting to Obama watching the convention in a “regular family’s living room.” He is just so in touch with the people. Ugh. I know, I am cynical.

I still am bitter about the whole all politicians denouncing gay marriage thing. Yes, I am holding a grudge. What is the big deal? What are they so afraid of? Exactly how will this tear at the fabric of our society?

In an effort to try to understand the other side, I tried to think of a scenario that might get my hackles up. And then I thought about polyamorous relationships. For the record, I have nothing against open relationships or polyamorous relationships. I knew a few couples that live such lives and it works fantastically for them. I think how lucky they are to have found the perfect person for them, the one who wants the same thing. Because it would real suck if I wanted monogamy and Nicole wanted an open relationship.

Anyway, so what if these couples/trios and adventurers wanted to marry? My first thought is “No way! Marriage is between two people. Two men or two women or one of each but two people.” And then I thought I suddenly sound a lot like the people who are against gay marriage. But the point it, it is hard for me to think of a marriage between three people or more. Imagine if married couples could marry each other and create a Super Quad? It seems all those people who are preaching about the slippery slope of gay marriage leading to furniture marriage and pet marriage and missing the chance to be ahead of the curve and start the anti-three-way marriage protests.

It would take some time for me to get used to the idea of three people being able to marry. So I guess it will take some time for the idea of two women marrying to sink into people’s heads. This exercise succeeded in making me a little more empathetic to the other side and a little horrified that I found this little pocket of non-liberalism in me. And I have a pretty broad scope of what I consider unalienable rights.

Pictured above, the Playground Set. And, do you think Avery likes her yogurt?

Ladies and...Well, More Ladies, I think We Have a Winner

Presenting, the almost-certain site of Nuptials 08. It is a gazebo, which is obvious, in Massachusetts in Look Park, which is not as obvious. We really like this location and think it will be beautiful in the fall. Plus it is covered, so should the weather be inclement, we will have cover. There are little seats along the inside for Madeline and Avery to not sit on.

Making a semi-decision makes it all seem semi-real.

Also, discussions of the after party, to be held in November, have started. We have a couple of ideas floating around. To be honest, I was a little shocked that Nicole wanted to go all-out. Well, not all out, but she presented a budget much bigger than I intended. Seriously, I was picturing something way laid back. One thing I really want to include is having a photographer set up to take portraits. Like when you are on a cruise ship. With the right lighting and right set up and right camera, most of the pictures will come out great. I love the idea of collecting family and friends portraits! Plus they might like it too. I also wanted one of those old-fashioned photo boots, but that might be pushing the picture angle too far.

Pictured above, El Gazebo. Also pictured, Madeline and Avery practicing snacking (on raisons and cranberries) on benches in the park. The park in our neighborhood, that is.

If There Were a Gold Medal in Anxiety....

We leave for Florida in a week and the flying fear has set in already. For me, this is par for the course: A week or so before and I start to get anxious, which manifests itself in myriad ways, not the least of which that I am just in a sour mood.

And I am annoyed at how inconvenient it is. Flying, that is. We drive ourselves and park in long-term parking because we aren’t going to lug car seats down with us (and Nicole won’ take a car service without car seats/we bought car seats to leave at my in law’s in FL). And getting though security, having to take the girls out of their strollers and take off their little shoes. Once the girls taste freedom, they are more than a little reluctant to go back into the stroller jail. And then trying to gather our carry-on’s and shoes and strollers and computers and bags before there is a bag pile up on the security belt. It isn’t the most stress-less thing we have done. Then it’s an interminable terminal wait. And then, after we go through all that, I am all sweaty palmed and scared and practically in tears as we board. And should the plane hit any turbulence at all, my heart goes into overdrive.

But once we are down there, it will be very nice. I love going to the YMCA because I am the youngest person there and I feel like an Olympic athlete.

I think wedding panic is ingrained in humandkind because why else would be in a panic mode right now? I mean, we are having the world’s smallest ceremony! There are very few details o worry about. And yet I am in a panic mode. I even went out dress shopping today. I didn’t find a dress but I found a beautiful cable knit cashmere light pink sweater. I have no idea what I’ll end up wearing, since it is outdoors and in late October. It could be freezing! But, just like the stress of vacation planning, it is a good sort of stress. Sort of. The kind that makes me do rash things, like drive up to Northampton over the weekend to secure a site.

To the commenter who asked about naps: The 9/1/6:30 arrangement was working quite well for us, like it was for you. Now they get up around 7:30. We go for a walk and play and have breakfast and then it is naptime around 10. If they sleep until 1, then it’s lunch and walk and play, followed by quiet crib time around 3:30 till 4:15. And bedtime is still at 6:30. My advice to you is to not try to keep them up till 1:00! Put them down for a morning nap at 10ish and see how long it lasts. If it is only an hour or so, then just let them have an afternoon nap too. The book we follow says the 10 am nap will gradually nudge to 10:30 then 11:00 and noon and then 1:00. So they will gradually get up and stay up till 1ish and nap then. At least that is what we are hoping!

Pictured above, delicious little girls!

Speaking of Speaking of, I am Going to Bed

It is 11:12 and I can’t sleep. Maybe it is because I drank way too much lemonade and my body is going into [fake] sugar shock. I have determined that there are four things that I consume that may kill me: My coffee creamer; my sugar-free double-chocolate pudding and the aforementioned “light” lemonade. All have that fake sugar. So I need to eliminate them from my diet, but I am very much not looking forward to that process. Did I say four things? I meant three.

Speaking of rolling with it, Nicole just booked two trips for work this fall: London in September and San Francisco in October. Part of me keeps trying to figure out what it would be like if we all went. How would it work? How would Nicole work, literally? How would the plane rides be and how about baby jet lag? After about two minutes of visualization I usually conclude the same thing: It would be too hard. The girls are still a little too young, and as much as I would love to navigate the Tube in London with the girls, it wouldn’t be a walk in the park. But then I think that will be our fallback excuse for the next 18 years. I don’t know. The girls miss Nicole when she is at work: How will they be with a whole week of no Mommy? I also don’t that that much space in our togetherness.

Speaking of us, I am also obsessing over our upcoming Very Big Day. Thanks Ellen and Portia for showing us what kind of wedding you can have if you spend a couple million. I won’t be wearing a Zac Posen gown because I don’t think I could take myselfseriosuly in anything with tulle. I obsess over what I will wear for the Very Big Day. I am all over the place, from cashmere and pencil skirts to mustard yellow strapless dresses (I think it would be a good fall color). I spent an hour tonight looking at different options online and it made my head hurt. I am also obsessed over were exactly to have said day, but we can’t get up to Massachusetts till maybe early October. Every weekend is booked or Nicole is away between now and then. There are a lot of little details that we need to attend. Not having these details decided or a location picked out makes me feel unsettled.

Speaking of unsettled, there was a minor earthquake in Tokyo today, where my brother and Mina and the kids are now, on the final leg of their Asia Tour 2008. All I can think is, what if that was just a foreshadow? What if a bigger quake is coming? Leave now, while the airport still has a runway.

Speaking of runaways (yes, I added a vowel), one of my students told me that he ran away and joined a traveling carnival when he was a teenager and stayed with it for 12 years. This is, believe it or not, the second Carny I have had in a class. I love teaching adults because they have much more interesting biographies than mini children.

Speaking of mini children, the girls are consolidating their naps. It sort of started last week, but this week they are firmly in the one-nap mode (about three to three and a half hours) with an bump of an afternoon mini session of quiet time in the crib (about 30 to 45 minutes) and bedtime promptly at 6:30. Having such a huge block of time is great; I can get so much done. But the change in schedule kind of throws me for a loop. I am trying to roll with it, and that is harder than it should be.

Pictured above: My fridge. Notice the stacks of pudding and the lemonade on the side. Evil fake sugar crap that must be banished. Below that, hair color. I narrowed it down to these two colors, but once I took this picture I decided that the one on the left is much better. What do you think? Speak now or forever hold your peace. Also pictured, a mini cake I made tonight, yellow cake with chocolate sour cream frosting. The cake was great but the frosting was not. I got the recipe from a book I just bought called Small Batch Baking. It features recipes that make just one or two portions. I think this will revolutionize our baked goods eating habits! No longer will we need to eat an entire cake just because it is there or 36 cookies! Now I can make a batch of four cookies. And mini cakes. And mini pies in cupcake tins. Also pictured, Madeline and Avery and stuffed animals in a box: Hours and hours of fun. Yes, Madeline is in a sailor top.

A Dose of Perspective, a Political Rant and a Hug

I teach online and a new semester just started up. One of my students is a 34-year-old single mother of four, including twins, and she is about to be a grandmother. So she has four kids, she works full time and she is finishing her degree. There are times when I feel so overwhelmed and tired and woe-is-me and then I hear about someone like that who has much more going on than I do and feel so petty (and inspired).

Speaking of petty, these days I am not that happy with Barack Obama and that leaves me feeling a little politically lost. I am tired of his political locutions and his change ideology, which doesn’t seem much like change at all. Part of me doesn’t want to vote for him, but the alternative is worse. I can’t believe it has come down to choosing the lesser of two evils again. Well, maybe that is a slight exaggeration but let’s just say I’m really feeling the fringe candidates. Mr. Kucinich, where are you when I need you?

I am aligned with many of Obama’s viewpoints, but I can’t reconcile his take on gay marriage with my own belief system. He has stated for the record that he believes marriage is between a man and a woman. Well, he has also said that his marriage is between him, his wife and God. So much for separation of church and state. I’m not so much into having a third party in my relationship, unless it’s Ben and Jerry. They have proven to be excellent companions.

Obama has stated that he would not support a constitutional amendment condoning gay marriage. His excuse is that this is something historically left in the hands of the state. And state control of marriage has gone SO well, so why mess with a good thing? (I am being sarcastic).

What really pissed me off as when he pulled out that old chestnut of how he thinks a gay couple should have rights like being able to visit each other in a hospital. Is that the go-to example for politicians? I am so sick of that example. Maybe it has been my own experience but I have found hospitals and hospital staff to be caring and accommodating. Nicole has been able to be at my bedside for every field trip to the hospital I have made. In terms of her being able to make life support decisions, well, that is a scary thought. I guess I should be scared, especially since she has talked about upping my life insurance coverage. But hospital visits are really at the bottom of the list of The Rights I Want To Have, because hopefully I won’t need to exercise those much. And we have a health care proxy anyway.

But all of his rhetoric makes me think that he is pandering to the lowest common denominator, the people who hate gays and think we should burn at the stake. Like he is trying to mollify them. Newsflash, Obama, those people won’t vote for you anyway because they think you are lesser of a person because of your African American heritage.

Says Obama: "Giving them a set of basic rights would allow them to experience their relationship and live their lives in a way that doesn't cause discrimination. I think it is the right balance to strike in this society." Sorry, but that’s a bunch of bullshit. A set of basic rights? That’s it? I can’t upgrade to the Deluxe package? I would love to hear how Obama explain this to, say, his little girls. Strip away the BS ad rhetoric and he too would sound like a hypocritical, homophobic buffoon.

And I get that my views aren’t the only views in life. But this is about equal rights, and when it comes to that, I feel like things should be stripped down to the basics. I should be denied equality JUST because my partner is the same sex as me? Really? Insisting that gay marriage will tear at the fabric of our society is just ridiculous. Society is being strangled more by Xboxes and cell phones and Constant Communication and the Pussycat Dolls than by this whole gay thing. Bottom line: A murderous prisoner has more rights than I do.

And on that fun note…a video of Avery giving her first hug! Turn the volume down unless you want to subject yourself to us cooing and awing. And please watch Maddie, who acts like she is just tolerating this onslaught of hugs! Also pictured, my little readers.

Maybe Slightly Controversial: Audience Participation Required

You all had some nuggets of great wisdom in the last post. I completely agree that if you go through life with just a couple (or even one) true friend, then you are lucky indeed. I know I am lucky to have a handful of true friends and I girlfriend who I would qualify as my best friend.

Walking away from toxic relationships, one-sided relationships or otherwise empty relationships…where is the how-to for that? Some people make it look so easy. My nature is very much never to end a relationship, no matter how bad it is. I am beyond tenacious when it comes to relationships. This stems in part from growing up with a really really small and disjointed and basically unhappy family. You cling to everyone you met when everyone you met is an understudy for family.

I have a maybe controversial view of female friendship that I would love to delve into. I think I would be able to explain this better in person, but I will try to write it out. This is all based on my own very unscientific study and my own experiences. I do not like to make sweeping generalizations, but I realize that that is exactly what a person says right before they make a sweeping generalization.

Let me preface this by saying I always wanted a sister. Of course, I envisioned the idealized version of sisterhood: Sharing clothes and makeup and doing each other’s hair and consoling each other through the hard times. We would talk every night before we went to bed, even years after we moved out of the same home. We would lend each other support, money, clothes and furniture. We would be best friends.

So my sweeping generalization, my perhaps unpopular theory, my half-baked idea, my thesis here is that I think women who don’t have sisters tend to cling more to friendships than women who DO have sisters. Again, this is just MY experience. But I think I so badly wanted a sister my entire life (again, because I idealized sisterhood) that almost every friend I had unwittingly auditioned for this role.

My friend with sisters would do anything for their sisters. My friends without sisters would do anything for their friends. I am not implying that women with sisters are not good friends and I am not implying that women with sisters wouldn’t do anything for their friends. Follow that? In other words, I am not dissing anyone here. But I do think that women without sisters (who always wanted one) tend to place a little more emphasis on their friendships. Maybe sisterless women tend to be relationship caretakers—or groundskeepers, as Malea put it. Think about your relationships with women with sisters and without: Are there any differences?

Again, let me clarify that I am not saying that sisterless women are desperate and women with sisters are aloof. . I am not saying one values friendships more than the other. I am just saying that there are nuances here.
I will add that I am very interested in this because as the mother of two daughters, I want so badly for them to grow up and to have a close, loving, impenetrable relationship. A couple of my friends with sisters do have just that, and I need to pick their brains about how it works. My mom and her sister: Not at all. So no role model there. Nicole and her sister are polar opposites but they have a great relationship now, but didn’t so much growing up: A five-year age difference, and sharing a room probably played a big role in this.

I also want them to grow up and have close friendships like I have. There are a handful of people that I have been friends with for two decades and more, and those relationships are a part of my foundation in life. We have a history and a present and a future. I have friends that I talk to on the phone every day. I have a few friends with whom contact is less frequent, but that doesn’t change a thing. I have friends who would be excited to hear from me spur-of-the-moment and vice versa, as CD an SP wrote in her comment. The rest? Those are the relationships I have a hard time abandoning. Toxic house cleaning is in order.
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I know I did a bad job explaining this, but I am curious if anyone else has thoughts on this? What is your experience like? Do you notice any similarities, differences, patterns, trends?

Hot off the presses: Avery is feeling the sister bond. Today, for the first time, Avery went over to Madeline and gave her a hug. Can you believe it? On her own! We went nuts, which prompted her to keep doing it. And that prompted Madeline to eventually run away from her and hide in a corner, she was that tired of hugs.

The girls are gaining speed and can run now. They can walk up and down the steps in the living room without holding on. When I tell them it is time for lunch, they run to their chairs. The babble like crazy but other than Mama (which they don’t understand means us) they don’t make much sense. When I ask them if they want to go for a walk, Madeline brings me the Bjorn. Avery hugs stuffed animals and plays peek-a-boo. Madeline collects flashcards, hiding them in stashes around our home. They love to try on our shoes and try to walk in them. They are becoming such little people and I am trying to record every little thing here, since I am doing such a crappy job keeping up their baby books.

Nicole talked about the need to get a babysitter/mother’s helper and it made me feel sick to my stomach. We have free day care at Nicole’s work, but neither of us feel comfortable with using it, even in an emergency situation. There are only a few people I would trust with the girls. But that’s also another post.

Pictured above, Avery giving Madeline her first hug. Then the second hug The third hug. The fourth hug. And Madeline hiding!

If It Walks Likes a Bear, Talks Like a Bear & Takes Honey Like a Bear…

I just had an awful, terrible, sudden realization.

A little background: When I was in college I had a friend that I was completely enamored with. No, not in that way. She was just a very funny, interesting, smart and I thought she was the greatest thing in the world. The feelings seemed to be mutual. We spent a lot of time together because we had some of the same classes and we were in the same program. It was an easy-going kind of relationship, but we both had other friends and circles and I was dating someone, so it wasn’t like we saw each other very minute of the day.

It took me a very long time to realize just how one-sided our relationship was. In the moment, it was all great. We would go to a concert and have an awesome time. We would meet for dinner at the dorm. We would hang out in the library working on papers.
Despite all of the time we spent together and all of the fun things we would do together, it was always me making the effort and me making the plans and me keep the friendship floating. I realize that now, ten years later. In those moments, I didn’t see it that way.

We graduated from college and kept in loose touch. Or should I say I kept in loose touch. This was before email was ubiquitous, so we had phones with answering machines and letters to keep the friendship fires alive. It took effort, which I was willing to put in but she was not.

There were so many clues: I would be going to a bar near her apartment and call her to see if she wanted to join me and my friends and she would answer the phone, but refuse, even when the bar was literally on the first floor of her building. She always had some excuse at the ready: “Dude, I am so hung-over and I can’t get out of bed” or “Dude, I totally would but my cousin is on her way over and I have to wait here for her”. I bought all of the excuses, and kept trying. It just didn’t occur to me that this was a brush-off. Besides, I am tenacious and not one to walk away from any relationship, something I used to pride myself on but something that I now realize is very, very unhealthy.

I think I finally got it a couple of years after we graduated. I was on a road trip and passing through her town. I vacillated over whether or not to call her. And then decided, rather suddenly, to just do it. This was in the beginning of the cell phone era, so I called her from my car about an hour away from her way upstate New York home. I told her I was in the car and passing through her town and wanted to meet up with her. I could hear the panic in her voice. The stream of lies started, something about how she was leaving on a vacation with her parents right away. She even threw in a couple of aside to her parents, who were supposedly urging her to get off the hone and get in the car. That was the last time I spoke to her.

The whole experience, stretched over about five or six years, just confused me. She acted like she liked me, but the way the relationship fizzled out made me wonder. She put in enough effort to make me feel safe, I guess, but not enough, in the end, by a long shot. Now, looking back, I can see how I worked hard to keep our friendship going. And I and see how it was so easy for her to let go when we graduated.

History repeats itself. That is my awful, terrible, sudden realization. Am in the same relationship right now. It isn’t exactly a shock to me: I have know for long time that this is a one-sided friendship, and I have talked endlessly with Nicole about it, and how it is so unhealthy for me to continue to put effort into this friendship when only a modicum of effort is returned. But I don’t give up easily. Have I made that clear?

I can say that in all truth I give up, and it took me a while to get to this point. But it hit me like a freight train: I am repeating patterns that are unhealthy. Who, me? Perpetuating negative behaviors? Ha! What else is new? And I realize that this person is using me, and that makes me a little sick to my stomach. But I also realize and have to admit that I have allowed it to happen. I can’t leave a barrel of honey on my porch and be surprised when a bear shows up (unless that it just a cartoon myth, that bears like honey). Nicole would see me dragging that honey out, and she would admonish me for it and tell me how wrong it was. She even said once that she was dispaoited in me. But deep down, I sort of hoped the bear would see the honey, leave it and just knock on my door and want to hang out with me, not because of the honey, but because of me. Yes, I am continuing this bad bear metaphor. It might have been a test, but I hoped my friend would pass it. In closing: Bear doesn’t want me. Bear wants my honey. And no, honey is not a metaphor for what honey sometimes is a metaphor for. And I have no time for honey-grubbing bears.

The best part is, ignore my honey and I will give you truckloads of it, just because you are my friend.

This is such a poorly written and meandering kind of post, but I think it gets my point across. My bear friend doesn’t read this blog so I could be specific, but I guess I just don’t want to go there.

OK this has taken enough of my energy.

I saw Nellie Olsen (Allison Arngram) of LHOTP fame perform stand up last night and it was great! If you have to ask what LHOTP stands for then you probably wouldn’t have enjoyed it. But there was lots of inside references and jokes. And talks of a musical heading to Broadway! That is one musical that I would pay to see.

Pictured above, Madeline and Avery stretch their chubby, chunky delicious legs in my friend Corrie’s luscious backyard. You can’t tell from the pictures, but her husband is a bit of a horticulturist so the property is practically Eden. The girls were so excited they didn’t know which way to turn!

Concerts, Mobs, Dinners, Dates, Girls With Brown Eyes

I feel so old. Taking an eleven-year-old to a Jonas Brothers concert doesn’t help. Isabelle wanted to get there early—it was her first big concert ever. So we were there at 5:30, for a 7:00 show, caught up in the frenzy that is 10,000 six- to eighteen-year-olds contained in one space. The opening act didn’t come on until 7:30 and the Jonas clan didn’t start for an hour after that. Such divas. The show ended by 10:30 and I was exhausted, but Isabelle wanted to go to the Virgin music store in Times Square for the midnight album release party, which the brothers said they would be showing up for. Since she plans on marrying one of the brothers, I figured we really should go. In my head, I kept saying “no way” but I knew in the end I would take her. How can you say no?

The release’s locale lead to an interesting exchange:

Isabelle: Virgin makes music? I thought they made cell phones?
Me: Actually, Virgin makes airplanes. But I guess you wouldn’t know that because you were born like two years ago.

OK, I didn’t actually say that part about being born two days ago, but I thought it in my head.

The record release (oops, there I go revealing my age again: I mean CD release) was a mob scene, literally. It was so crowded that Isabelle and I came up with a meeting place should we get separated, which was a horrifying thought but we needed to play it safe. We were up close, three or four people from the front of the barricade, but we had literally an entire city block of people behind us pushing. I really thought that there could be a stampede, one that we would read about the next day in the papers. I was pushed and pulled and jabbed and fondled and threatened. One girl in front of us was yelling to all around her “I swhair ta Gahd I’ll spit on yew if yew pash me again.” And she did. Nice.

We got home at 1:30ish. In the freeking morning. I didn’t get to sleep for almost an hour after that. We had to get up early the next day because I then had to drive Isabelle to soccer camp on Long Island. It was exhausting but she had a really good time and it was nice to see her so excited and happy and I was glad to be a part of this memory of hers. But I so don’t get the Jonas brother infatuation. The whole time I kept thinking of Lisa Simpson’s (yes, The Simpsons) and her Non Threatening Boys. That’s a reference we old people might get.

Yesterday, I spent the afternoon at a friend’s house with the girls and then came back to the city and went out for dinner with two other friends and a restaurant that was too loud. See: Another I’M Getting Old Moment. We sat outside because without a pitcher of margaritas and a few beers and ten years slivered off my age, I couldn’t imagine screeching inside the restaurant to be heard or straining to hear. It was so nice to get out and we had a great conversation about lying, mothers, marriages, and very pale skin. We laughed a lot.

I enjoy watching the Olympics but I am beginning to feel Olympics burnout. And seeing all this greatness of athletics makes it easy to lose perspective that you are indeed watching the elite. I told Nicole that they should have side-by-side presentations of the elite with the amateur. So there should be a swimming lane with a regular person like me in it, doggy-paddling down the pool while being lapped sixteen times by Dara Torres. Then you would really see that she is unbelievably amazing. When you see her swimming next to other elites, it is so easy to not see that greatness. At least for me. You know it is great because she is in the Olympics, but where is the perspective? Show a regular person trying to walk on a balance beam next to the gymnasts. Show a regular person trying to do a vault. It might make is all appreciate the athletes more.

Was any one else disturbed that the USA gymnasts all looked the same? All blond hair. Are there not women of darker hair or skin in this country that are flexible and strong?

Above, if it works are two videos. After yesterday’s playdate the girls feel asleep in the car like two seconds after I started driving away. On the radio was Brown-Eyed Girl and I thought it was so fitting, as here I am, with three brown-eyed girls in my life (including Nicole, who will say her eyes are hazel but whatever). The second video is them sleeping still because how can you get enough of such cuteness? In that video, Just Like Heaven is on, which also seemed very fitting. And a third mini video because I am having fun uploading videos. In all, embarrassingly, you can hear me singing in the background. Please, no judgements. I now my voice is off key! After you get over the sugar shock of cuteness and the horrors of my singing, you can feel horrified that I was driving AND videotaping at the same time. I know.